Caricature - Businessmen

Businessmen ( A breed whose self perception and public perception of them are poles apart )

( Exceptions, i.e., those who manage business competently and with ethics, are exempted from this write up. It is about the run of the mill businessmen who abound this country ).

Traits

1. At a young age when they start business or are inducted to the business managed by their fathers, the first thing they discern or told by their fathers is that it is more important to learn the tricks of the trade rather than the trade itself.

2. They are par excellent copy cats and hence emulate the style of managing business of their peers / parents. And the style of managing the business is:

· Not to trust totally anybody working under them, though their demeanour will effectively camouflage this trait.
· Do not fully confide with people working under them.
· Aware of the fact that loyalty of employees continue to be there only till they get better offers.
· They give only that much information to employees which serves their purpose.
· Cross checking / spying on their employees and rivals will be part and parcel of running business.
· Put on openness and friendship should be the hall marks of their interface with rivals and competitors. At the same time they would be evasive on matters of competitive interest.
· They don’t mix up business and personal accounts. They quickly learn to ensure that both accounts are above suspicion of tax men. Ensure that as much as possible personal expenses are booked to the company, suitably camouflaging the action. They would have a good sounding on such matters from an old accounts guy, preferably not an employee of the company.
· Firmly believes that generation of money in number two account ( euphemistically referred to by the others as black money - a term they never use ) is absolutely vital and has to be taken as the birthright. Details of how much is being generated at specified periods, where it is parked, etc., are confined to the brain only and not to be shared with anybody including the wife and progenies, otherwise their demand level for cash would go up continuously. And nothing is put on papers. Countries other than Switzerland also park such money had enabled them to pick and choose where to hoard. They master at the earliest, this part of business .
· The charade of businessmen is that number two account has to be created to pay bribes to politicians and bureaucracy. That masquerade is necessary to put an appearance that they have to per force create such money. Actually such expenses are booked to the business and how this can be done is the elementary lessen all accountants learn.
· They would not like to be seen traveling in the same car for more than two years and three months. If this period exceeds they would be perceived by other businessmen as having not arrived.
· They make two or three trips abroad annually, ostensibly for business purposes, irrespective of the fact whether they spend time ogling at girls who have an aversion for draping them or other nocturnal activities. For the latter activity many keep an apartment abroad, though the explanation is that this for them to stay while abroad. Allowing politicians/bureaucrats and their kith and kin to use the apartment would be of immense help when seeking favours from them.
· Each one of them become disciple of one of the latest Gurus. However, they ensure that wild demands for cash of the Gurus are circumvented or booked as business expenses.
· To the extent possible expenses of self and family are booked as business expenses.
· They are adept in putting various masks of submissiveness and fulsome praise for politicians, admiration for bureaucrats, disdain for subordinates, equality with other businessmen, patriarch for family, etc.,

3..The businessmen watch with trepidation at the avalanche of economic reforms, particularly removal of licenses. It is the license Raj which propelled them to higher echelons of business ladder. However, they realize that to openly resist such reforms would get them bad name. To camouflage, the businessmen would leave no opportunity of welcoming the inexorable march on the reform front. At the same time they pray to God for some of the political parties which are inimical to such reforms, coming into power. And with their own biradiri they crib at what is taking place.

4. Some of the other hall marks of Indian businessmen:

· They shun reading anything other than related to business or politics. But then that is not the in thing. So they would have large almirahs in their sitting rooms of the houses ( and some even in their office rooms) containing a large number of books, unread, but dusted occasionally by the servants.
· By far they have no taste for fine arts. Yet they keep a tab on such activities, lest their ignorance becomes apparent in conversations with high and mighty in seminars and functions. The ‘fancy’ / patronage for arts is only of big names ( known / established names…..great value for conversation purposes ) and for page 3 of newspapers. Support to ‘ budding’/’aspiring’artists is a strict no, no.
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· Remain apolitical ( except for the morbid fear of communists ) - who knows which party will come into power in the future
· They remain all the time with minor apprehension of family members who have stake in the company or even progenies maneuvering to take over the company from them.
· They mask their unconcern for workers and consumers
· They invest as little money as possible from their own purse, managing the large chunk from public and financial institutions, while fully retaining management of the company.
· Ego centric, ritual oriented, workaholic, simple dress and simple food in house amidst opulence
· Full of conviction that they are wizards in all areas / disciplines of business
· Prefer to be known as businessmen rather than industrialists – a case for psychological study.
· Admiration for white skinned businessmen camouflaged by disdain towards them
· To this species money and business constitute everything.
· In family run enterprises, the younger generation invariably gets inducted as Marketing / Product Manager for that future ‘ quote’/para in a (paid/sponsored) biographical article which typically goes like ‘……..The fact that ‘this’ species gets a ‘boot up’ as the next Director on the Board is another matter.
· Attending an annual ‘ knowledge session’ on how to run ‘family run’ enterprises – generally by a top global consultancy – at an exotic locale is the other name for annual extended family get together.

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