– theatre of the absurd followed the tragic incidents.
The death of one child was caused because of the punishment given by a teacher for unruly behaviour of the child. The death of girl student was allegedly caused because of the delay in treating her for Asthma.
These two tragic incidents happened very recently. People who read the story were horrified. The outrage was against the teachers. The teacher who gave the punishment to the child fled from the place to escape from arrest. If caught, people would cry for her blood and the same would be projected by media. Finally, if caught the teacher could face a jail term. There would be stern warning from the judge to errant teachers not to transgress the Laxman Reka in punishing children. Curtain to the episode. In the case of the unfortunate girl who succumbed to Asthma the jury is out.
Yet, there is another side to the story which we brush / shrug it off. And that is the ‘precocious child syndrome.’ Many would be regular readers of the cartoon ‘ Dennis the menace.’ Readers like him. The young rascal is full of activity, inquisitive, tormentor of the girl Margaret. To the old man in the cartoon, i.e., Wilson, Dennis is a nightmare. You see such devils in cinema halls, shopping malls, tourist places, etc., Those who are proximate to these creatures when the toddlers are in action, it is a nightmare, more so when they find the parents indulgently look at their wards. Some parents, aware of the fact that their children are first rate tormentors of those in their vicinity, hope that once they grow up they will change. Could be. But till that time it is those who happen to be near these creatures who have to go through hell. As a wag said ‘whether a child is precocious or naughty or terrifying or adorable, etc., depends on whether the child is yours or somebody else’s.’ Many a parent with a glint in his eye would watch his son or daughter tormenting a relative or a visitor. Parents tend to be indulgent. Then again many a parent assume that the child would outgrow from such behaviour with passage of time, i.e., when he/she grows up. It is also a fact that many parents enjoy naughty behaviour of their wards with others. Many would have noticed that the eyes of parents light up when they hear complaints about their wards from neighbours or teachers. Neighbours can avoid such children, but teachers cannot. Further, in the case of neighbours it is only a case of one or two children in the neighbourhood, whereas in the case of teachers there are too many and for too many hours in a day. Compare the despair of a mother in managing one child who is naughty to that of a teacher forced to manage a number of naughty children.
Because of the sad incident which is the topic of this write up, readers may tend to feel that I am espousing the wrong cause. But have you not come across such brats / devils in cinema halls, shopping centres, tourist places, etc., Many won’t like their behaviour. However, most of the onlookers or those tormented would put up with the errant behaviour of the children. Some would shrug it off. But not the teacher. It is her / his duty to contain and reform such errant behaviour. Unfortunately some time they over-step. The ability to withstand punishment varies from child to child. Parents know about it. But most of the teachers would not be aware of such differentiation.
To repeat, the teacher is at fault. Yet, one cannot overlook the other side. There was the other incidence of a girl who is an asthma patient. In the school the girl was not attended to properly when she had the attack. There was also probably delay in sending the girl back to her home. The girl died and the parents have put the blame on the school authorities.
Related to the above and such other incidents, there are two other angles, as below:
· Youngsters most often choose their future professions not necessarily related to their capabilities and aptitudes. There are a number of reasons for making wrong choices. Aspirations of parents. The belief of a youngster in his own ability in a particular field/area, though often erroneous. Examples are galore. A soldier/policeman, apart from having the required physical attributes, must be, more importantly courageous. Yet while recruitment the more important aspect is ignored. A good advocate should be an orator and should have the sixth sense to spot loopholes in the case of the opposite party. But those aspects are not scrutinized either by the parents or the youngster while opting for a career in the legal profession. Tunnel vision and high brow attitude are the anti-thesis for a bureaucrat. Yet there is no aptitude test before recruiting them in the bureaucracy. And they continue with these two attributes throughout their career. A nurse should have compassion. A teacher by nature should have love affection for children. The List is too long. But these examples would bring out the dichotomy. In the end what happens is that there is mismatch between requirement and attributes.
· Fourth estate has started adorning the robes of prosecutor and judge. In the TV programmes this is more evident, with viewers becoming the jury. Neither the complainant nor the defender is given required time to explain their respective cases. It is done by the know-alls in the programme. The whole debate is zeroed into the incident under discussion without exploring related angles and also whether such incidents are exceptions or wide spread phenomenon. In the instant case it is a wide spread phenomenon. But the TV debate did not bring out that aspect, making the current episodes having teachers as the villains.
Foot-note: ‘One of the widely read English newspaper has become pontificator in respect of the current subject. “ The teacher involved in this case ( child death ) must be charged with manslaughter – culpable homicide not amounting to murder…………it is about time that a strong message was sent out………………………’ This writer feels that it is about time that this newspaper stops publishing almost nude photos of cine stars and models and indulge in mudslinging of celebrities, because both have corrupting influence on the reader.
---------------------
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
DODDERING POLITICIANS
ad. in a newspaper
" The great Indian neta. Allowed to tire but never retire.
Is not there something wrong? If a 60 year old man is not permitted to hold an ordinary job, how is he expected to run an economy that harbors millions of jobs like the one he is not good enough for? Today, 75% of our country is below 40 while only 7% of our parliament is. And there are many questions that need answering. Why is there no retirement age for MPs? Or reservations for youth in Parliament? Most importantly, where is the National Youth Policy for the world's youngest democracy? Let us raise it. Discuss it. Debate it: And push for it. Or at least, vote against it. “
Text:
Oldies! Vacate from Parliament and State Assemblies.’
Sub-text
You doddering oldies, vanish. You have made a mess of managing Parliament and State Assemblies, which means the country as a whole. Presto! We have found the mother of all solutions to the affliction that is eating into the vitals of our democracy. We the vibrant youth are ready and geared to take over from you.
This is the clarion call of educated youth, fully endorsed by middle aged educated people. Silence from the old elected representatives. They indulgently smile or shrug it off as the acrobatics of youth. Since both print and visual media have in their midst lot of oldies, this demand is under played by fourth estate, except publishing the message by way of ads. (‘How could fourth estate forgo ad. revenue!).
Yet, how can this happen unless Parliament itself passes a law for retiring people of 60 / 65 or above from contesting for becoming MPs or MLAs. 60 / 65 has been cited here as the retirement age because that is the position in respect of bureaucrats / judges and by and large employees of corporate sector, both private and public.
Even if the above utopian scenario becomes a reality, that would not take away the power of old politicians in various political parties. They will continue to decide the policies and programmes of the parties. And more especially the decision making on who should represent from their parties in the Parliament / State assemblies would be decided by the oldies. The youth elected would have to echo their wishes. In other words, unless the youth comes to power in political parties, situation at the ground level would not change, even if retirement age is prescribed for MPs/MLAs.
Then the question arises as to why single out politicians for fixing a retirement age. Businessmen continue to manage their companies up to 70 or 80 years. Doctors / lawyers and other professionals continue to practice their vocations much beyond 60or 65 years. So also retired Government employees. Many become consultants/lobbyists/ directors of various private sector companies or members of various Government set up Commissions and such other bodies. So is the case with various other occupations. Writers, cine stars, people manning NGOs and a host of others continue to be occupy / practice their vocations.
‘Look at US of A, (a country, according to our educated youth and middle class / upper class / professionals, has all the right practices,)which is ruled by young people.’ It is a myth. Many American Presidents / Secretaries and other senior Government people / Senators / Congressmen were and are old. US Supreme Court judges are appointed for life, despite the fact that in such an august office, some function with various stages of senility. The case is not any different in other Western countries. If one looks at Asia, the position is exactly similar to that of India.
It is the tradition of India and so also in many Asian countries for the old people in families to be the decision makers. Our concept is that with age, wisdom and maturity increases / expands.
Foot notes:
1. 30% to 40% of MPs and MLAs are not re-elected. Out of those not re-elected, some if not many would be old. But the moot question is whether political parties would allow more and more youngsters to contest elections.
2. To assume that if only young are elected maters would improve is to a large extent wishful thinking.
3. For an individual, essentially there are three categories of age, i.e., based on (i) calendar years, (ii)physical stamina, and (iii ) mental capability. Hence a person of 75 years of age in terms of calendar years, may be physically at the level of 60 years and mentally 40 years. This theory is applicable to youth also.
4. There was another ad. in newspapers stating ‘ if reservation is acceptable for Government jobs, thenwhy not reservation for youth in Parliament / Assemblies.’ This is to beg the question. Youth of this country are free to elect young people to Parliament / State Assemblies.
----------------
" The great Indian neta. Allowed to tire but never retire.
Is not there something wrong? If a 60 year old man is not permitted to hold an ordinary job, how is he expected to run an economy that harbors millions of jobs like the one he is not good enough for? Today, 75% of our country is below 40 while only 7% of our parliament is. And there are many questions that need answering. Why is there no retirement age for MPs? Or reservations for youth in Parliament? Most importantly, where is the National Youth Policy for the world's youngest democracy? Let us raise it. Discuss it. Debate it: And push for it. Or at least, vote against it. “
Text:
Oldies! Vacate from Parliament and State Assemblies.’
Sub-text
You doddering oldies, vanish. You have made a mess of managing Parliament and State Assemblies, which means the country as a whole. Presto! We have found the mother of all solutions to the affliction that is eating into the vitals of our democracy. We the vibrant youth are ready and geared to take over from you.
This is the clarion call of educated youth, fully endorsed by middle aged educated people. Silence from the old elected representatives. They indulgently smile or shrug it off as the acrobatics of youth. Since both print and visual media have in their midst lot of oldies, this demand is under played by fourth estate, except publishing the message by way of ads. (‘How could fourth estate forgo ad. revenue!).
Yet, how can this happen unless Parliament itself passes a law for retiring people of 60 / 65 or above from contesting for becoming MPs or MLAs. 60 / 65 has been cited here as the retirement age because that is the position in respect of bureaucrats / judges and by and large employees of corporate sector, both private and public.
Even if the above utopian scenario becomes a reality, that would not take away the power of old politicians in various political parties. They will continue to decide the policies and programmes of the parties. And more especially the decision making on who should represent from their parties in the Parliament / State assemblies would be decided by the oldies. The youth elected would have to echo their wishes. In other words, unless the youth comes to power in political parties, situation at the ground level would not change, even if retirement age is prescribed for MPs/MLAs.
Then the question arises as to why single out politicians for fixing a retirement age. Businessmen continue to manage their companies up to 70 or 80 years. Doctors / lawyers and other professionals continue to practice their vocations much beyond 60or 65 years. So also retired Government employees. Many become consultants/lobbyists/ directors of various private sector companies or members of various Government set up Commissions and such other bodies. So is the case with various other occupations. Writers, cine stars, people manning NGOs and a host of others continue to be occupy / practice their vocations.
‘Look at US of A, (a country, according to our educated youth and middle class / upper class / professionals, has all the right practices,)which is ruled by young people.’ It is a myth. Many American Presidents / Secretaries and other senior Government people / Senators / Congressmen were and are old. US Supreme Court judges are appointed for life, despite the fact that in such an august office, some function with various stages of senility. The case is not any different in other Western countries. If one looks at Asia, the position is exactly similar to that of India.
It is the tradition of India and so also in many Asian countries for the old people in families to be the decision makers. Our concept is that with age, wisdom and maturity increases / expands.
Foot notes:
1. 30% to 40% of MPs and MLAs are not re-elected. Out of those not re-elected, some if not many would be old. But the moot question is whether political parties would allow more and more youngsters to contest elections.
2. To assume that if only young are elected maters would improve is to a large extent wishful thinking.
3. For an individual, essentially there are three categories of age, i.e., based on (i) calendar years, (ii)physical stamina, and (iii ) mental capability. Hence a person of 75 years of age in terms of calendar years, may be physically at the level of 60 years and mentally 40 years. This theory is applicable to youth also.
4. There was another ad. in newspapers stating ‘ if reservation is acceptable for Government jobs, thenwhy not reservation for youth in Parliament / Assemblies.’ This is to beg the question. Youth of this country are free to elect young people to Parliament / State Assemblies.
----------------
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
FLAUNTING RICHES
Birthday present of a jet place to the wife. And yet by another a yacht. Building a home for Rs. 800 crores. Having palatial mansions in various cities of world and India. Companies buying jet planes for the exclusive use of their CEOs. Spending over 50 crores of rupees towards the marriage of the off spring. Buying a handbag costlier than that of a car. The list goes on. Some of the rich Indians have now got out of the inhibition of parading their wealth.
Naturally such incidents are widely reported in the English media. But then English media has only limited reach. But when these incidents are reported in the TV, particularly the vernacular channels, then reach becomes very high or widespread.
The reaction of viewers would be mixed. ‘ Why not, when these people can afford it ‘ - general reaction of upward mobile people. ‘ It is against the Indian culture ‘ - this is the view of by far the largest segment of Indians. ‘ They have earned it, so it is for them to do what they like, this has been the trend world-over, it is peanuts compared to the extremely lavish style in which kings lived just a hundred years back, spending leads to economic activity, etc., etc.,’ would be some other comments. Generally old people look askance at such exhibition of wealth, whereas youngsters tend to take the same in their stride.
However, it cannot be denied that such actions have social implications, particularly in country like India with extreme poverty, more so since TV is reaching every nook and corner of the country.
When kings ruled the country before merger of their kingdoms with India, people ( subjects ) looked at the kings with awe, fear and reverence. The kings had the power of life and death of their subjects. The courtiers of some of the kings even propagated the myth that the kings were progenies of this or that God, which many of the subjects believed also. Hence the term jealousy had no place in those times in the way of thinking of people towards their kings.
At that time even the courtiers, mofussil chiefs, and others including landlords and businessmen, while living in style far above the levels of ordinary people but much below that of the kings did hardly evoke any resentment among ordinary folks because the same was within the ambit of the expected and accepted.
Then came independence of the country. Politicians, instead of kings became rulers,. However, the subjects continued to hold their erstwhile kings with same awe as before. Over a period of time awe was replaced by respect.
Politicians of the immediate post independent era were of high integrity and lived simple lives.
Slowly business people started to live extravagantly which was looked at askance by politicians but ordinary people accepted the position in their stride but not with awe, as was the case in respect of kings.
The present scenario. Erstwhile kings are no more revered by their erstwhile subjects. Politicians became corrupt and amassed wealth but as most of them continued to live in simple style, jealousy was not in the psyche of people when they viewed the politicians.
Business people went on acquiring wealth. But it is only during the last decade or so that they started exhibiting wantonly their wealth. Palatial bunglows, luxury cars, frequent foreign jaunts, opulent marriages etc., are exhibited now with panache. This metamorphosis was quick and required time was not there for slow adjustment and take the same in their stride for people to the changes in the style of living of rich. It need to be noted that till a few years back ostentatious living and vulgar display of riches were frowned upon by most of the Indians, including those who had riches. There is no attempt to under play or hide the exhibitionist culture. And it is widely believed that this is done out of ill gotten lucre.
As the eminent writer Santosh Desai has written:
“Is anything vulgar any more. The idea of vulgarity has been appropriated as an epithet to be used by groups with extreme views on how other should behave.
To pronounce something vulgar was to banish it from the ranks of the civilized, by deeming things to be inappropriate rather than illicit.
Watching the IPL auctions and the media interviews thereafter, I was struck by the absence of that world from our active vocabulary today. Here we had a spectacle where the richest and the most glamourous body shopped the purest and the most talented by bidding on them. There was a television interview, with the owners all resplendent in designer glasses talking about their acquisitions. In the entire interaction, there was not a trace of self-consciousness about what was happening. After all, they were rich and beautiful and they had already bought Ferraris so why not sport stars now? The market in India is not content to be an invisible mechanism but wants to strut around dressed in gaudy finery. Wealth becomes real only when displayed. Money seems to create a vicarious thrall.
In the Television, unseemly squabbles between bit-has-beens and obscure never-will-bes, comedy routines based on cross-dressing jokes full of bawdy suggestiveness, high pitched melodramatic theatrics by reality show judges who are forever moving between tantrums, exploitive headlines in the name of investigative reporting on news channels, up-the-skirt camera angles used to cover a new sporting phenomenon called the cheerleader, the list is a long, long one.
The legitimacy of money and its ability to speak in a uniform voice, has blunted the sharp differences that existed earlier. The security once derived from one’s social class which made money secondary is no longer as much in evidence.
Television as a medium too hastens the move to privilege the quantitative over the qualitative. The TRP, which is a superficial measure of viewership, determines television content today; it is more important how many people watch rather than what kind influence a channel is able to exert.
In a world full of diverse people, there can be no uniform standard of good taste. One person’s aspiration can so easily be another person’s
vulgarity.”
It could be said that with the increase in the number of affluent people, level of affluence in the country going up and changing values, this trend is to be expected, as had happened in rich countries.
As is human nature, this change would also be taken in its stride in due course.
15. Yet one feels uneasy at this development, more so in a country like India with too many poor who are subsisting with unimaginable poverty. In that context the above mentioned change becomes an eye sore, which could have negative social implications. It is so and hence this emerging culture has to be deplored.
****
Naturally such incidents are widely reported in the English media. But then English media has only limited reach. But when these incidents are reported in the TV, particularly the vernacular channels, then reach becomes very high or widespread.
The reaction of viewers would be mixed. ‘ Why not, when these people can afford it ‘ - general reaction of upward mobile people. ‘ It is against the Indian culture ‘ - this is the view of by far the largest segment of Indians. ‘ They have earned it, so it is for them to do what they like, this has been the trend world-over, it is peanuts compared to the extremely lavish style in which kings lived just a hundred years back, spending leads to economic activity, etc., etc.,’ would be some other comments. Generally old people look askance at such exhibition of wealth, whereas youngsters tend to take the same in their stride.
However, it cannot be denied that such actions have social implications, particularly in country like India with extreme poverty, more so since TV is reaching every nook and corner of the country.
When kings ruled the country before merger of their kingdoms with India, people ( subjects ) looked at the kings with awe, fear and reverence. The kings had the power of life and death of their subjects. The courtiers of some of the kings even propagated the myth that the kings were progenies of this or that God, which many of the subjects believed also. Hence the term jealousy had no place in those times in the way of thinking of people towards their kings.
At that time even the courtiers, mofussil chiefs, and others including landlords and businessmen, while living in style far above the levels of ordinary people but much below that of the kings did hardly evoke any resentment among ordinary folks because the same was within the ambit of the expected and accepted.
Then came independence of the country. Politicians, instead of kings became rulers,. However, the subjects continued to hold their erstwhile kings with same awe as before. Over a period of time awe was replaced by respect.
Politicians of the immediate post independent era were of high integrity and lived simple lives.
Slowly business people started to live extravagantly which was looked at askance by politicians but ordinary people accepted the position in their stride but not with awe, as was the case in respect of kings.
The present scenario. Erstwhile kings are no more revered by their erstwhile subjects. Politicians became corrupt and amassed wealth but as most of them continued to live in simple style, jealousy was not in the psyche of people when they viewed the politicians.
Business people went on acquiring wealth. But it is only during the last decade or so that they started exhibiting wantonly their wealth. Palatial bunglows, luxury cars, frequent foreign jaunts, opulent marriages etc., are exhibited now with panache. This metamorphosis was quick and required time was not there for slow adjustment and take the same in their stride for people to the changes in the style of living of rich. It need to be noted that till a few years back ostentatious living and vulgar display of riches were frowned upon by most of the Indians, including those who had riches. There is no attempt to under play or hide the exhibitionist culture. And it is widely believed that this is done out of ill gotten lucre.
As the eminent writer Santosh Desai has written:
“Is anything vulgar any more. The idea of vulgarity has been appropriated as an epithet to be used by groups with extreme views on how other should behave.
To pronounce something vulgar was to banish it from the ranks of the civilized, by deeming things to be inappropriate rather than illicit.
Watching the IPL auctions and the media interviews thereafter, I was struck by the absence of that world from our active vocabulary today. Here we had a spectacle where the richest and the most glamourous body shopped the purest and the most talented by bidding on them. There was a television interview, with the owners all resplendent in designer glasses talking about their acquisitions. In the entire interaction, there was not a trace of self-consciousness about what was happening. After all, they were rich and beautiful and they had already bought Ferraris so why not sport stars now? The market in India is not content to be an invisible mechanism but wants to strut around dressed in gaudy finery. Wealth becomes real only when displayed. Money seems to create a vicarious thrall.
In the Television, unseemly squabbles between bit-has-beens and obscure never-will-bes, comedy routines based on cross-dressing jokes full of bawdy suggestiveness, high pitched melodramatic theatrics by reality show judges who are forever moving between tantrums, exploitive headlines in the name of investigative reporting on news channels, up-the-skirt camera angles used to cover a new sporting phenomenon called the cheerleader, the list is a long, long one.
The legitimacy of money and its ability to speak in a uniform voice, has blunted the sharp differences that existed earlier. The security once derived from one’s social class which made money secondary is no longer as much in evidence.
Television as a medium too hastens the move to privilege the quantitative over the qualitative. The TRP, which is a superficial measure of viewership, determines television content today; it is more important how many people watch rather than what kind influence a channel is able to exert.
In a world full of diverse people, there can be no uniform standard of good taste. One person’s aspiration can so easily be another person’s
vulgarity.”
It could be said that with the increase in the number of affluent people, level of affluence in the country going up and changing values, this trend is to be expected, as had happened in rich countries.
As is human nature, this change would also be taken in its stride in due course.
15. Yet one feels uneasy at this development, more so in a country like India with too many poor who are subsisting with unimaginable poverty. In that context the above mentioned change becomes an eye sore, which could have negative social implications. It is so and hence this emerging culture has to be deplored.
****
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Pick-pockets
The general refrain is that picking the pocket is like any other crime and hence pickpockets need to be punished. One can’t disagree with this supposition.
Yet at the same time pick-pocketing is in a different genre of crime. It is the most difficult and daring crime. It is invariably done in the public and the possibility of apprehending the culprit is much higher than in the case of other crimes, e.g., killing, robbery, stealing a vehicle, goondaism, confidence tricking, white collar crimes, etc.,
I have a soft corner for pick-pockets. It is a risky profession. There is every chance of being caught. They have only their nimble fingers for executing their job. They have to be extremely quick in conducting their operation and that too unobtrusively . It is invariably done in the open when there are other people around and hence higher chance of being caught. If caught they would be beaten by the people who are near, which is not the position in respect of most other crimes.
A pick-pocket has to appear to be as nobody, i.e., not conspicuous either in their looks or attire or body language or demeanour. Nobody in the crowd would give a second look at him. He has to dress also in such a manner that he does not stand out. When the people around have blue eyes, he would be noted if he has green eyes. So also hair and body colour. Suppose his hair is yellow or red or his body colour does not have an Indian look, then he would be spotted or remembered. So also if he is too fat, very tall or, say, has a bulbous nose.
A pickpocket has to carefully choose his victim, ideally a little absent minded or distraught and wait for the right opportunity and all the time keep an eye whether others are watching his actions. At the appropriate time, say, when there is a commotion in the bus/train/crowd or some other activity draws attention of all. When people are rushing out or getting into the train, when there is much jostling, he conducts his operation swiftly. That is the time when the attention of others are on getting in/getting out of the train or go ahead in the midst of jostling. His nimble fingers are the instrument for the operation. Once the operation is done he has to vanish quickly but without hurrying lest it attracts attention. On these counts it is an expert profession, whatever other value judgments one may make.
Then again the body risk factor in pick-pocketing is much higher than in the case of other crooked acts. If he is caught immediately at the act, then people all around pounce on him and beat him thoroughly. Invariably people derive vicarious pleasure in such an action, as if it makes them proper citizens, who should do a Samaritan act of catching the thief and punishing. And once police arrive, they also do the beating. And the downside of such happening for the pick-pocket is that immediately he has to shift his area of operation.
Pick-pockets are easy targets for Police. If caught. He would be subjected to beating by the Police, apart from Police taking money from him for not formally filing a case against him. When a person reports to Police about his being pick-pocketed, the Police would round up the pick-pockets who operate in the area where the incident had occurred and then subject all of them to sound beating to find the real culprit.
Apart from the risk involved as above, pick-pockets would have to live days without any income because they have not been able to zero in on proper victims.
Honourable thieves abound in this blessed country, most of them going around as proper and respected citizens. Many of them thieve Government money which is public money. Many vandalise public property. Many manufacture spurious goods. Corruption in this country is rampant. So also nepotism. So also vulgar display of ill gotten wealth. Many have deep prejudices, are sanctimonious, hypocritical and self-righteous This is only an illustrative list and not exhaustive. How is it different for a corrupt policeman to extract money from you and pocket the same for a doing his duty Does anybody think of these state of affairs when they beat or condemn a pick-pocket, labeling them as ‘anti social elements.’. So I look at pick-pockets not with the same eyes as most others do.
Foot-note: Some time back in Bangladesh thieves had grouped themselves into an association and one of the functions of which is to offer training courses to new entrants, particularly in picking pockets. The Association was able to enroll within a short time of its formation more than 10,000 members.
Signing off: As a nerd put it pithily ‘ a picket pocket must have steel balls.’
******
Yet at the same time pick-pocketing is in a different genre of crime. It is the most difficult and daring crime. It is invariably done in the public and the possibility of apprehending the culprit is much higher than in the case of other crimes, e.g., killing, robbery, stealing a vehicle, goondaism, confidence tricking, white collar crimes, etc.,
I have a soft corner for pick-pockets. It is a risky profession. There is every chance of being caught. They have only their nimble fingers for executing their job. They have to be extremely quick in conducting their operation and that too unobtrusively . It is invariably done in the open when there are other people around and hence higher chance of being caught. If caught they would be beaten by the people who are near, which is not the position in respect of most other crimes.
A pick-pocket has to appear to be as nobody, i.e., not conspicuous either in their looks or attire or body language or demeanour. Nobody in the crowd would give a second look at him. He has to dress also in such a manner that he does not stand out. When the people around have blue eyes, he would be noted if he has green eyes. So also hair and body colour. Suppose his hair is yellow or red or his body colour does not have an Indian look, then he would be spotted or remembered. So also if he is too fat, very tall or, say, has a bulbous nose.
A pickpocket has to carefully choose his victim, ideally a little absent minded or distraught and wait for the right opportunity and all the time keep an eye whether others are watching his actions. At the appropriate time, say, when there is a commotion in the bus/train/crowd or some other activity draws attention of all. When people are rushing out or getting into the train, when there is much jostling, he conducts his operation swiftly. That is the time when the attention of others are on getting in/getting out of the train or go ahead in the midst of jostling. His nimble fingers are the instrument for the operation. Once the operation is done he has to vanish quickly but without hurrying lest it attracts attention. On these counts it is an expert profession, whatever other value judgments one may make.
Then again the body risk factor in pick-pocketing is much higher than in the case of other crooked acts. If he is caught immediately at the act, then people all around pounce on him and beat him thoroughly. Invariably people derive vicarious pleasure in such an action, as if it makes them proper citizens, who should do a Samaritan act of catching the thief and punishing. And once police arrive, they also do the beating. And the downside of such happening for the pick-pocket is that immediately he has to shift his area of operation.
Pick-pockets are easy targets for Police. If caught. He would be subjected to beating by the Police, apart from Police taking money from him for not formally filing a case against him. When a person reports to Police about his being pick-pocketed, the Police would round up the pick-pockets who operate in the area where the incident had occurred and then subject all of them to sound beating to find the real culprit.
Apart from the risk involved as above, pick-pockets would have to live days without any income because they have not been able to zero in on proper victims.
Honourable thieves abound in this blessed country, most of them going around as proper and respected citizens. Many of them thieve Government money which is public money. Many vandalise public property. Many manufacture spurious goods. Corruption in this country is rampant. So also nepotism. So also vulgar display of ill gotten wealth. Many have deep prejudices, are sanctimonious, hypocritical and self-righteous This is only an illustrative list and not exhaustive. How is it different for a corrupt policeman to extract money from you and pocket the same for a doing his duty Does anybody think of these state of affairs when they beat or condemn a pick-pocket, labeling them as ‘anti social elements.’. So I look at pick-pockets not with the same eyes as most others do.
Foot-note: Some time back in Bangladesh thieves had grouped themselves into an association and one of the functions of which is to offer training courses to new entrants, particularly in picking pockets. The Association was able to enroll within a short time of its formation more than 10,000 members.
Signing off: As a nerd put it pithily ‘ a picket pocket must have steel balls.’
******
Thursday, April 9, 2009
CARICATURES
“A caricature is either a portrait that exaggerates or distorts the essence of a person or thing to create an easily identifiable visual likeness, or in literature, a description of a person using exaggeration of some characteristics and oversimplification of others. Caricatures can be insulting or complimentary drawn solely for entertainment. Thus, the word "caricature" essentially means a "loaded portrait".
PORTRAIT OF MALAYALIS (MALLU)
( Mallu is an affectionate term and not a pejorative one)
‘MALLU is individualistic in thought and expression and at the same time a social animal attracted to hordes of the same specie. To paraphrase the term coined by Amartya Sen, ‘ Mallu is argumentative but not destructive.’ To him mighty mountains and roaring rivers are not obstacles in his quench for reaching new areas for sustenance. His survival instinct is strong. He is not a warrior but a survivor, particularly when the odds are against him. Perfection is not his forte but sustenance is. Political genes transferred through heredity finds often expression, though often convoluted his justification for his thoughts may be. He is satisfied with achieving comfortable living, with not much attraction for scaling new heights. The specie of Mallu is found in all the nook and corners of this blessed earth.’
A full blooded Mallu does not subscribe to argumentum e silentio ( i.e., argument from silence ), but in argumentum ad ignorantium ( arguing based on ignorance ). Wearing a lungi ( dhoti ) with the portion touching the floor lifted and tied loosely at the waste ( which humourist Jug Suraiya called ‘half mast’), as is the Kerala style, with a baniyan and some times with head bandana of Kerala towel, with a beedi in his mouth, a Mallu, be he a barber or a cook, has an opinion which he would express firmly on all matters under the sky, some even tricky, and is cocksure of his views and metaphorically would be prepared to fight until his death to uphold the same. It is because of this trait that management of most companies dread the prospect of discussion or negotiation with unionists with a Mallu spokesman. The only place where Mallu does not exhibit his this unique talent is in his home because his wife, being a Mallu, would in no time demolish his arguments and his children would give a look as if he has gone bananas.
ORIGIN OF MALLU
Anthropologists aver that Indian continent was part of Africa very very long back. There is circumstantial evidence to subscribe to this finding when you observe the features of some of the Mallus. Curly, thick and jet black hair on the head and body, square / rectangular facial structure, thick, broad and pink coloured lips and tongue, strong face, stocky physical structure - Negroid features. Then there are Mallus with cat’s eye, extremely fair complexion, light blond hair on the head and body, thin/pursed lips, soft features - akin to that of Westerners and Arabs. And ancient history tells us that Westerners and Arabs came to India in the first to third centuries AD and a few settled/ stayed for a period ( and then probably went back ) in various parts of Kerala. During the period of their stay, they would have co-habited with the local population. Further, according to Modern history, large number of Brahmins from North had gone / fled to South a thousand and more years back. Obviously the genes of those people, i.e., Arabs, Westerners and Brahmins, who had come and settled/ stayed in Kerala for long periods, would have been transmuted while transmitting from generation to generation.
CARICATURE OF A MALLU ( By Jug Suraiya, Humourist )
‘ Passion, of course, is the core of the Malayali being. To the Malayali it does not seem to matter so much what you do or don’t do, just so long as you are passionate about it. So he is passionate about faith and he is passionate about skepticism; he is passionate about Communism and he is passionate about petro-dollar Capitalism; he is passionate about indulgence and he is passionate about abstinence. Which is why in Kerala you might see a lot of religion but not too much religiosity; ideology but not necessarily indoctrination, a lot of drinking but little drunkenness. Such cultural cross currents give the Malayali his innate dynamism.’
----
BENGALI BADRAPURUSH / BADRALOK ( BONGO )
When a Bongo converses with non-Bongos, there is no problem for Bongo but for non-Bongos there is one. Bongo pronounces often ‘ S ‘ as ‘SH’ ‘Bha’ as ‘Bh’ So when somebody wishes Bongo ‘Good morning ‘ or ‘Happy New Year,’ Bongo would respond by saying ‘ Shame to you ( meaning ‘Same to you’). Similarly, when a Bongo invites a non Bongo for ‘ Bhojan ‘ in his house, the friend who lands up at the house of the Bongo would realize that the invitation was to ‘ Bhajan.’
The second problem with Bongos is that they have been eating regularly large quantities fish for eons that most of them have started looking somewhat fishy.
In the somewhat distant past, the terms coined, such as, Bhadralok or Westernised Oriental Gentleman ( WOG ) or pucca Indian Saheb fitted the Bongos to the T. This happened by far because British had their first capital in the country in Kolkatta and stay put there for a long time. Many Bongos had to interact often with the British and the British style and manners rubbed on the pedigree of Bongo aristocrats. British looked with disdain all Indians including the ones imitating them as above. Many of the Bongos outdid British in being British. Taking a cue from British, Bongos, particularly, the Bhadralok there, started looking askance at people who were down and under. With the advent of Communism in West Bengal, Bongos had to reluctantly discard their westernized manners and appearance, because the same started inviting ridicule instead of earlier reverence.
Bongos are argumentative. And that probably put Amartya Sen in a predicament. Being a Bongo, he could not have put the title to his famous book ‘ Argumentative Bongo’ and hence the title of ‘ Argumentative Indian, ‘ though apart from Mallus, nobody else in India is as argumentative as a Bongo.
You broach up the subject of poor economic performance of Bengal, the Bongo would neatly side track the point by repeatedly, emphatically and proudly asserting how many great men were born in Bengal, Vivekananda, Satyajit Ray, Amartya Sen, et all. You repeat your point and the Bongo will repeat his reply/retort. The fact that most of the Bongos had not read Vivekananda or Amartya Sen or seen the films of Satyajit Ray, is neither here nor there.
Many Bongos wring their hands in despair at non Bongos alluding to Bongos innate talent / taste for fine arts, particularly music, both singing and playing various musical instruments. To keep up this image many of the Bongos spend hours and hours to learn these arts, though their hearts are not tuned to these fine arts. Yet another title which Bongos find it difficult to keep up with, is that of intellectual. They like the admirable label, but they know that they are not so. This forced generations of Bongos to memorise some of the things that the intellectual Bongos have said.
Confront a Bongo with the present day anachronism and inhuman system of West Bengal having human beings pulling rickshah or why snail’s pace moving trams are still there, he will have look of being cornered. With no proper explanation coming to his head, he will say that the case of rickshah is karma and that of tram, Bengalis like quaint and ancient vehicles, like Austin car. But he has more difficulty in explaining the incongruity of Bengal having both Mother Therasa and voluble Mamta Banerji.
Bongos will demur at the term that they are clannish, though in their hearts they take it as a compliment. Expression of this will be found in the Durga Puja functions celebrated by Bongos all over India. Just as in the case of Mallus, there is a contradiction in the case of Bongos also. Both are at the same time fiercely individualistic and yet prone to be unionists. Since Communism is supposed to bring in equality between all, Bongos will quote as proof that both Communists and the States which had Communist Governments have been consistently faring badly.
With their laid back culture for centuries, the best thing that Bongos enjoy doing is doing nothing. This virus had spread through out the State long back and become stay put, with the result that Bongos in the Secretariat do not even pretend to work, as is the position in Secretariats of other States. This ideal past-time is not confined to babus but et all with the result that business in Bengal is run by Marwaris, taxis are run by Sardis and low level work is done by Biharis. Bongos do not despair at this state of affairs. They are quite content to be in office between 11 and 4, with most of the time occupying in gossip, trivia of politics, tea/coffee drinking, smoking and just plain dozing. And during the Puja period everything in West Bengal comes to a standstill, as Bongos firmly believe that it is sacrilegious to do any work during the Puja period.
Football is in the blood of Bongos. When football matches are taking place anywhere in the world including India, all Bongos will sit before the idiot box, with tension and the general demeanour of ‘ office work – my foot.’ All Bongos are fierce in their lowyalty towards this or that Club. And a non Bongo risks physical assault from a Bongo if per chance the former expresses admiration to the Club to which the Bongo is opposed to.
Bengali language is musical, particularly when spoken by demure Bengali ladies with considerable grace and élan, who are also excellent hostesses. Since one cannot separate man from woman in analysis of this nature, Bongo men’s shortcomings are more than made up by the Bongo damsels.
Monday, April 6, 2009
TO VOTE OR NOT TO VOTE - THAT IS THE QUESTION
After the interview held for the post of lady secretary, interviewers discussed pluses and minuses of various candidates. At the end the MD said: ‘ select the one with long legs, narrow hips and big boobs.
‘ If you are not voting, then you are sleeping ‘ so says Tata Tea ad.
Now all those who think that their words would have lot of weight on masses, including film stars, are exhorting everybody to vote.
It is our fundamental right to vote. Only through the exercise of vote can the people assert their democratic right. Wrong candidates can be thrown out through ballot box. No point in wallowing at the downfall of politics, when voters have the opportunity to send right people to form Government, etc., etc., are said ad nauseam – pontification of those who want to and are accustomed to preach.
But then consider the following:
By far, in our emancipated land, which is itching to catch up with world powers, voting is done largely based on religion / caste and / or party lines and rarely, if at all, based on the candidates’ qualifications, experience, honesty, belief in helping the needy, etc., ( Look at the past record. Veteran politicians with good past record, highly educated people, people who have been doing good service to the needy, etc., etc. have been roundly defeated in elections, largely because the various criteria quoted above ).
Once elected, politicians tend to forget the promises they made to electorate during the campaign. By far their focus shifts to making money, helping family and friends by bending this or that rule or through the route of favour from somebody higher up in the hierarchy, getting berth in Cabinet and if not then Head of some corporation, some foreign jaunts, favourable publicity in media, prepare for the next election, etc., Doing good for the people who elected him would be confined to making appropriate noises. In no time most of them become fixers for various jobs/contracts, and in the process enriching themselves. They, with plastic smile, occasionally meet their voters, and indulge in self eulogy. Their forte of oratory will be in full swing in castigating the opposition party. They will blame bureaucracy for all the ills that people of his constituency are suffering. If the opposition party is in Government, then all the blame for ills of his constituency are showered on the opposition party.
They go by the party whip, and not for what is good for the country or their constituencies. Nuclear Agreement is good / bad, reservation of jobs is good / bad, Uniform Civil code is good / bad, minorities should have an honourable place in the country or not, etc., etc., They may have some ideas on what is good for the country but if that is not in line with their party stand, they have to perforce follow the party line. They do not consult their voters on the stand point they should take; they merely adheres to party line.
A Brahmin would vote for a Brahmin and so also a Chamar for a Chamar. Has any Hindutva man voted for a Muslim or a Communist to a Congress man, though these two may be better candidates.
In party meetings they are told what the party line is on various issues and they are asked to follow the same. Any murmur, not to talk of protest, is firmly put down by the bosses.
Once elected, he is not sure whether he would be elected again. So the dictum followed is ‘ make hay when the sun shines.’ It would be hard to find an elected representative who is not much better off financially after his term ends, compared to his position at the time of election.
There are many elected people who have hardly uttered a single sentence in the Parliament / Assembly during the five year period of the House. Do they try to understand beyond a lay man’s understanding of various subjects under discussion in the Houses. Why should they do, that is the general refrain.
How many worthy representatives have got really involved in implementing various projects sanctioned by Government. Rajiv Gandhi said that out of one rupee sanctioned nearly 86 paise is pocketed by intermediaries and only 14 paise reaches the intended beneficiary. That was way back. Look at today’s 100 days assured work programme or subsidies for farmers. The story is the same. They will blame bureaucracy for this unfortunate state of affairs. But can they not step in and ensure that the intended beneficiaries of any scheme get the benefit. But then for them politiking is much more to their heart.
Have we at any time heard a politician saying that I have done this and that to the real needy in my constituency. He of course will never miss an opportunity to take credit for any Government scheme sanctioned which may help poor people. Otherwise, how can one explain the wretched life of Tribal people and the really down trodden.
I do not subscribe to any of the parties. So I would like to vote not on the basis of party. Then I should vote for independents. But I know that they can do precious little in improving the lot of their constituents, given the style of working of our legislature and Government.
11. I have never seen or heard various candidates of my constituency. In fact I won't even recognise them if I meet them or see their photos. I have no idea how good or bad they are. In such a situation it is quite possible that if I cast my vote it may be to the wrong person. Yes, it can be said that I should have taken more interest in such matters and ascertained the merits and defects of the candidates. But I have not done so. It is my fault. But if I blindly vote for this or that person, would I not be compounding my mistake.
AND SO I DECIDED NOT TO VOTE.
Foot-note - I: As everybody knows lot of gimmicks are part of elections. One I read recently is about parties putting up candidates with the same name of major candidate of another party. For instance already one Shashi Tharoor has filed papers against the real Shahi Tharoor. The ploy is to make some of the ignorant voters to cast vote for the dummy Tharoor.
Foot-note – II: Forget about the juvenile analysis of cub reporters / commentators in the media, particularly visual media, on the recent permutations and combinations. But strangely even the veterans appear to be off the mark. Consider the following:
Lallu goes on his own. He would have felt that strategy would ensure that his party gets more seats than a combine of Congress and his party. He may also think that by far his candidates are more winnable than the Congress candidates. And more winners, the better his chance to bargain. It is most unlikely that his party would align with BJP. So he will back Congress. But then he may ask for his pound of flesh, may be even a post of Deputy Prime Ministership.
The same, as above, goes for Mulayam Singh and Ram Vilas Paswan..
Remember, all the three of them are extremely comfortable with Man Mohan Singh, with his policy of accommodation and not ruffling feathers.
A Deputy Prime Ministership – that is what Sharad Power is looking for, knowing very well that Prime Ministership will be to Manmohan Singh. It is unlikely that BJP would offer him Deputy Prime Ministership.
Very little chance of Patnaik patching up with BJP. His party may join Congress Party in forming the Government or may give outside support.
DMK will continue to be with Congress. Ramadoss leaving won’t matter much as his party would get only a few seats. If DMK performs badly then the situation may change but it would appear that this is not likely to happen.
Communists may stay neutral but they would oppose any possibility of BJP coming into power. Their animosity level towards BJP is much higher than that of Congress. Then again within the Communist Party and particularly at the helm there are only two or three who are absolutely inimical to Congress / Man Mohan Singh. In a game of foreclosing any chance for BJP to climb the throne, Communists may come to the help of Congress.
Third front is only a chimera. There are too many contradictions with almost three or four of them wanting Prime Minister’s gaddi.
Mayawati is the only puzzle.
Hence the chance of Congress forming the Government with some of the other parties becoming part of the Government and some supporting from outside is what is there on the horizon.
---------
‘ If you are not voting, then you are sleeping ‘ so says Tata Tea ad.
Now all those who think that their words would have lot of weight on masses, including film stars, are exhorting everybody to vote.
It is our fundamental right to vote. Only through the exercise of vote can the people assert their democratic right. Wrong candidates can be thrown out through ballot box. No point in wallowing at the downfall of politics, when voters have the opportunity to send right people to form Government, etc., etc., are said ad nauseam – pontification of those who want to and are accustomed to preach.
But then consider the following:
By far, in our emancipated land, which is itching to catch up with world powers, voting is done largely based on religion / caste and / or party lines and rarely, if at all, based on the candidates’ qualifications, experience, honesty, belief in helping the needy, etc., ( Look at the past record. Veteran politicians with good past record, highly educated people, people who have been doing good service to the needy, etc., etc. have been roundly defeated in elections, largely because the various criteria quoted above ).
Once elected, politicians tend to forget the promises they made to electorate during the campaign. By far their focus shifts to making money, helping family and friends by bending this or that rule or through the route of favour from somebody higher up in the hierarchy, getting berth in Cabinet and if not then Head of some corporation, some foreign jaunts, favourable publicity in media, prepare for the next election, etc., Doing good for the people who elected him would be confined to making appropriate noises. In no time most of them become fixers for various jobs/contracts, and in the process enriching themselves. They, with plastic smile, occasionally meet their voters, and indulge in self eulogy. Their forte of oratory will be in full swing in castigating the opposition party. They will blame bureaucracy for all the ills that people of his constituency are suffering. If the opposition party is in Government, then all the blame for ills of his constituency are showered on the opposition party.
They go by the party whip, and not for what is good for the country or their constituencies. Nuclear Agreement is good / bad, reservation of jobs is good / bad, Uniform Civil code is good / bad, minorities should have an honourable place in the country or not, etc., etc., They may have some ideas on what is good for the country but if that is not in line with their party stand, they have to perforce follow the party line. They do not consult their voters on the stand point they should take; they merely adheres to party line.
A Brahmin would vote for a Brahmin and so also a Chamar for a Chamar. Has any Hindutva man voted for a Muslim or a Communist to a Congress man, though these two may be better candidates.
In party meetings they are told what the party line is on various issues and they are asked to follow the same. Any murmur, not to talk of protest, is firmly put down by the bosses.
Once elected, he is not sure whether he would be elected again. So the dictum followed is ‘ make hay when the sun shines.’ It would be hard to find an elected representative who is not much better off financially after his term ends, compared to his position at the time of election.
There are many elected people who have hardly uttered a single sentence in the Parliament / Assembly during the five year period of the House. Do they try to understand beyond a lay man’s understanding of various subjects under discussion in the Houses. Why should they do, that is the general refrain.
How many worthy representatives have got really involved in implementing various projects sanctioned by Government. Rajiv Gandhi said that out of one rupee sanctioned nearly 86 paise is pocketed by intermediaries and only 14 paise reaches the intended beneficiary. That was way back. Look at today’s 100 days assured work programme or subsidies for farmers. The story is the same. They will blame bureaucracy for this unfortunate state of affairs. But can they not step in and ensure that the intended beneficiaries of any scheme get the benefit. But then for them politiking is much more to their heart.
Have we at any time heard a politician saying that I have done this and that to the real needy in my constituency. He of course will never miss an opportunity to take credit for any Government scheme sanctioned which may help poor people. Otherwise, how can one explain the wretched life of Tribal people and the really down trodden.
I do not subscribe to any of the parties. So I would like to vote not on the basis of party. Then I should vote for independents. But I know that they can do precious little in improving the lot of their constituents, given the style of working of our legislature and Government.
11. I have never seen or heard various candidates of my constituency. In fact I won't even recognise them if I meet them or see their photos. I have no idea how good or bad they are. In such a situation it is quite possible that if I cast my vote it may be to the wrong person. Yes, it can be said that I should have taken more interest in such matters and ascertained the merits and defects of the candidates. But I have not done so. It is my fault. But if I blindly vote for this or that person, would I not be compounding my mistake.
AND SO I DECIDED NOT TO VOTE.
Foot-note - I: As everybody knows lot of gimmicks are part of elections. One I read recently is about parties putting up candidates with the same name of major candidate of another party. For instance already one Shashi Tharoor has filed papers against the real Shahi Tharoor. The ploy is to make some of the ignorant voters to cast vote for the dummy Tharoor.
Foot-note – II: Forget about the juvenile analysis of cub reporters / commentators in the media, particularly visual media, on the recent permutations and combinations. But strangely even the veterans appear to be off the mark. Consider the following:
Lallu goes on his own. He would have felt that strategy would ensure that his party gets more seats than a combine of Congress and his party. He may also think that by far his candidates are more winnable than the Congress candidates. And more winners, the better his chance to bargain. It is most unlikely that his party would align with BJP. So he will back Congress. But then he may ask for his pound of flesh, may be even a post of Deputy Prime Ministership.
The same, as above, goes for Mulayam Singh and Ram Vilas Paswan..
Remember, all the three of them are extremely comfortable with Man Mohan Singh, with his policy of accommodation and not ruffling feathers.
A Deputy Prime Ministership – that is what Sharad Power is looking for, knowing very well that Prime Ministership will be to Manmohan Singh. It is unlikely that BJP would offer him Deputy Prime Ministership.
Very little chance of Patnaik patching up with BJP. His party may join Congress Party in forming the Government or may give outside support.
DMK will continue to be with Congress. Ramadoss leaving won’t matter much as his party would get only a few seats. If DMK performs badly then the situation may change but it would appear that this is not likely to happen.
Communists may stay neutral but they would oppose any possibility of BJP coming into power. Their animosity level towards BJP is much higher than that of Congress. Then again within the Communist Party and particularly at the helm there are only two or three who are absolutely inimical to Congress / Man Mohan Singh. In a game of foreclosing any chance for BJP to climb the throne, Communists may come to the help of Congress.
Third front is only a chimera. There are too many contradictions with almost three or four of them wanting Prime Minister’s gaddi.
Mayawati is the only puzzle.
Hence the chance of Congress forming the Government with some of the other parties becoming part of the Government and some supporting from outside is what is there on the horizon.
---------
Saturday, April 4, 2009
MATRIONIAL Ads. - yaa, hoo.
‘ Innocent divorcee’
‘ Innocently divorced ‘
Hear from an old hand, and that is me. Don’t waste your time on a Sunday morning reading the newspaper, full of reports on mayhem or the shenanigans of two bit politicians. That only spoils your mood in the morning on a good holiday. Yes, ogling at the scantily dressed starlets in the third page or supplement would definitely cheer up the male reader/viewer. And for the females there is enough in the gossip column about the affairs of stars and also where ‘ Sale ‘ is taking place. But otherwise depression level goes up as you read more and more political stories. Instead, turn to the supplement on matrimonial ads. There is plenty to make you laugh till the lunch time.
Look up at the phrases in the beginning of this write up. You will first doubt whether anybody would write this in a matrimonial ad. You will think I have pulled a fast one. Believe me, not only these phrases are used in matrimonial ads. but there is plenty more in the same vein, as you would find out by the time you finish reading this write up. Doubting Thomases and those who wonder whether I am pulling a fast one could look into the supplement on matrimonial ads. to verify what I have stated, which is nothing but honest truth.
After studying the subject, pondering over the phrases mentioned in the beginning of this write up and applying my gray matter, I must say I have become an expert in deciphering what such phrases mean. If you want to enjoy reading matrimonial ads. then you have to develop the talent to decipher abbreviations and also what the advertiser wants to convey through certain phrases used. In fact I consider that this is a good subject for a Phd. thesis.
The fellow who had used the first phrase in the ad. wants to convey that he had an earlier marriage but that ended in a divorce. By adding innocently the word ‘ innocent ‘ he is crying out loud and clear that he was a victim in the earlier marriage and he is innocent in the break up of that marriage. He is seeking your ( reader’s ) sympathy and also making a clear and honest statement to those parents who are looking for suitable match for their daughters the fact that he is a decent guy and this is proved by his announcement of his innocence that ended the earlier marriage. Unsaid, he is reaching out to the prospective bride with a soul rending cry of ‘ here is an opportunity for you to put into practice the much adored Indian woman’s trait of giving solace to those who despair. I am a decent guy. I am an eligible bridegroom. But I have been taken for a ride. I am innocent. You could undo what fate has done to me.’ And there is an indirect proposition to the parents of girls looking for grooms. No big demand for dowry because he is divorced.
Mostly the ads. are from Indian males who had escapades in foreign countries forcing them in a moment of amnesia to marry white skinned women. Only a spoil sport would think of replyingto the effect ‘ O.K. you claim you are innocent. We want to verify the fact. Please send your ex-spouse’s address.’
There is something wrong with the phrase used in the second one, i.e., ‘innocently divorced.’
Does it mean that the person was sleeping when his wicked wife divorced him. Or did she drug him or hypnotize him and got his signature on the divorce paper and that he was not aware when the judge approved divorce. The above are only samples. More merrier is the ad. with the statement that the prospective bride is a ‘ virgin.’ But the hottest one is that which claims that the bride is ‘ absolute virgin.’ Now what is this business of being absolute virgin. I don’t know how the prospective bride grooms and their parents respond to these claims. But having nothing better to do I allow my imagination to run riot. Suppose the prospective bride groom replies to the ad. about the girl being virgin to the effect that to verify your claim, at the ‘ boy meets the girl ‘ ceremony, I am coming with my doctor for physical verification of the girl to confirm the statement made in the ad. In the case of ‘ absolute virgin, ‘ one fellow can tell the other fellow, ‘ Oh, you got a virgin girl. That is nothing. I got one who is absolutely virgin.’ But I am a bit puzzled. Either one is a virgin or not a virgin. What is this business of being absolute virgin. Would someone clarify. Sometime back there was a report in a newspaper that according to a survey conducted in Delhi ( quite often such surveys are limited to two or three persons or is a figment of imagination of the writer ) it was found that a large percentage of college girls have openly admitted that they had done it. Probably it is because of this development that some of the parents would have thought that in ads. inviting spouses for their daughters, they must convey, ‘ yes, some wicked girls in Delhi must have done it, but not my daughter, whose character is lily white.’
I am not a prude. But many of my friends are. There are others who are squeamish, abhor anything prurient and are or pretend to be unspoken members of the Moral Brigade. Some may be closet voyeurs. But that is neither here nor there. Sol let me change the gear. These ads. are veritable treasure troves. But one has to learn to decode the meaning of euphemisms used in these ads. So also one has to be adept in deciphering abbreviations used. For example, terms, such as ‘ high forehead ‘ or ‘ thinning hair.’ What is said euphemistically when decoded would mean that the prospective bride-groom is ‘ baldy.’ But don’t blame him. You don’t expect that in such ads. one would say truth only and the whole truth. On the contrary he has been truthful in admitting that his pate has only thin coverage. Same story goes for abbreviations. ‘V’b’ful’ in shorthand becomes ‘ Very Beautiful ‘ in long hand. Ads. are sold on the basis of space. Hence parents of brides and grooms have to use their ingenuity in cramming up in a very limited space all that they want to state. Then again one has to learn to understand hidden meanings in the ad. For example, if the ad. describes the edibles that the parents of the groom are fond of, you can take it that they are looking for a bride who is also a culinary expert. I can say unabashedly that I have become an expert in such decoding, though there is very little demand for my expertise. Letme become Sherlock Holmes because readers are more like ignoramus Watson and hence teach you the elementary methods of decoding, as below:
Ad. Write up Decoded message
High forehead: . Thinning hair Baldy
Not very : Shorty
Innocent divorcee" My former wife could not stand the sight of me
Innocently married did not know when I signed the deed before the magistrate
that my wicked wife has taken me for a ride
Virgin: Boldly stating this is on the assumption or hope that the bridegroom is ignoramus so
far as female biology and anatomy were concerned
Absolute virgin" Here is a modern and confident girl ( or her parents ) who is
sure that she would be able to convince the idiot of a groom that she is a virgin, even if she is not.
Age 50, but looks 35 (b) : The fellow regularly does make up, has a wig and false teeth.
Now what does (b) stand for. Is it bachelor or bastard.
Most handsome: The fellow has leukemia
Girl only consideration: ( What else could be ). So one must conclude that it is an indirect message for dowry.
All family members are This is to indicate that Income: Income Tax payers tax people have not yet caught any of the family members. Then again conceit can take any shape.
Highly educated with no airs : An MA in Hindi
Home educated " Flunked in eighth standard a number of times and hence his fprmal education was terminated at a tender age. After that he remained a permanent fixture in the
house doing nothing.
Modern but cultured : It is only a moron who would think that anybody who is
modern cannot be cultured. Or his meaning of modern is that of the Hindi fillum villain
Distant relative are settled abroad. I would like to join them. Will you help with a large
dowry.
Or., relatives abroad is a status symbol. But stating that they are distant relatives helps when the girl’s idiot of a brother wants to go abroad saying that they are
only distant relatives.
Alliance invited from a Sati, Savitri, Sita, , Laxmi and Saraswati -girl who is affectionate
broad minded, caring, honest, humble, loyal and prudent. = all in one piece.
Wanted a girl who will give high respect to the parents of the groom: I am fed up with them. The bride should be able to get them off my back.
Absolutely affluent : In the profession of smuggling
High status ( VIP ) - or politician, which often means the same
Groom’s parents like Makai ki roti: We required a non salaried cook. So for the
bride after the marriage it is straight journey to the kitchen
Issueless ( No fault ). Is the ‘ No fault ‘ adjective for lnability.
.
Sincerity and love is the Message: I am far above the loathsome fellows who
only consideration demand dowry in cash.
However, if the girl has not got the attributes mentioned then I may have to accept
dowry in cash.
Extracts from an acknowledged author on the subject are reproduced below:
"Many a parent knows that any attempt to find a match for his brat within his circle of acquaintances would be completely fruitless, he had no option but to put an ad. in the newspapers and hope that someone who did not know the brat would read it.
SM: Suitable Match ( and not sadomasochist )
PQM: Professionally Qualified Match ( and not pretty queer male )
SPQM B’ful Cltrd frm Stld fly: Suitable Professionally Qualified , beautiful, cultured from settled family
PQM for PB BR boy: ( Poor Bihari, Pauchy Bengali, Bloody Rude, Generally Bald or Good Boozer
NUDE: Nice, Understanding, Decent, and Elegant bride"
HOT: Handsome, Outstanding and Tall
BIKINI: Beautiful, Interesting, Knowledgeable, Independent, Nice Individual
Back to my writing. The messages in many ads. are not subtle. The attitude is ‘ could not care what you think. But this is what I want.’ The girl must be ‘ pure.’ This is just a variation of the girl being ‘virgin’ cited earlier. Wanted ‘ homely’ girl. Now this is pure fun. What is meant by the term ‘ homely’ is that the girl should ideally adjust to the family and should treat the new home as her home. But then none of those who wrote this ad. cared to look at the dictionary meaning of ‘ homely ‘ which is ‘ plain looking.’ In fact in the English language the phrase plain looking is meant to convey that the girl is not attractive. It is O.K. if the girl is only ‘ somewhat educated.’ After all she is going to be essentially servant in the new home. The girl atleast must be ‘ locally beautiful’ meaning that if she is not fit for national beauty contest atleast must stand out among the girls of the mohalla. It is not sufficient for the girl to be beautiful, she has to be ‘ really beautiful.’
In India still marriage is considered to be a one time affair in the life. So why should the boy or parents of the boy or girl takchance in advertising what type of specimen they are looking for.
This is not a matter to be coy or shy. Those attitudes are evident from the following ads.
" The girl ( wanted ) intellectually, culturally accomplished with or without professional education, willing to set up a happy, healthy home.’
( In other words, presently it is not a happy home. Then again for achieving the objective, would the girl being intellectually and culturally inclined to help. Don’t say why I should be a spoil sport and ask these stupid questions. )
" In search of Bold & Beautiful slim life partner to travel the life journey with care, love and respect." ( Unstated message: the girl should be as voluptuous as the girls in the Bold & Beautiful serial).
" If she is a real stunning beauty, professionally qualified, preferably medico, long hair, a rare combination of brain and beauty, understands humour, values relationship."
( All my life I have been miserable. So why can’t I have pleasant dream of getting a bride like that )
" Good person, loving, caring, honest good looking, good cook, own house, car."
( But why did he leave out his job or profession or that he is in business. The inference to be drawn is that he would like the would be bride to have all the attributes and ownership of what has been advertised but that he is a loafer. )
" I believe that there is no greater thing than for two human souls to feel that they are joined for life – to continuously create shared
joy, to strengthen each other in all labour, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent, unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting. I see marriage as the practice of becoming life-long passionate friends.’ ( The guy or girl is not normal. He or she is in for a great disappointment after marriage ).
‘Business turnover eight figures. Tea-totaller, strict vegetarian, ungiven to vices, hard thinker, possesses astute business acumen, studied intermediate English medium.’
( Here is a typical Hindi fillum hero. Only positive traits. Forgot to mention that he could fight also ).
‘ No issues whatsoever.’ ( meaning no children )
‘ Someone must prove that beauty and brain do exist. Looking for a sensational beauty with oodles of common sense, grace and no airs. Everything else is immaterial. The boy is petulant, aggressive, romantic, original, very successful industrialist with lots of foreign degrees. Please do me a favour and don’t send me Xeroxed bio-data’s.’ ( Nit wits abound this earth. Do I need to comment any more).
‘ Looking younger by decades ( He is seventy but looks fifty),
‘ Fair, smart, attractive, affectionate, soft spoken, cheerful with a high sense of humour yet sober, sophisticated, accomplished, caring and home loving with strong belief in family and human values.’ ( What has humour got to do with being sober )
‘ Divorcee with a very brief and notional spell of married life.’ ( ‘Brief’ I can understand. But what does ‘notional’ mean )
" Smart, gori, sweet nature, V. beautiful"
" Seek beautiful, educated and flexible girl."
( I am again foxed. What does ‘ flexible’ girl means)
" Divorcee ( Single again by Luck not by choice ) taking again an honest second chance." ( Meaning that in the second choice what the earlier one did to me I may do with you ).
‘ very independent ( no brothers )’
( This is from ad. for a bride. But what is the message in the words in brackets )
‘ We have only 2 sons and no daughter.’
( This is from an ad. for a bride. Message must be that there need be no apprehension of cat fight after the marriage )
‘ He is an all American with an Eastern Soul ‘ ( Looks like a bargain offer, i.e., two buys at one price )
Male chauvinism is amply evident in these ads. The groom may be 60. But he wants a bride under 30. The man may be divorcee
but he wants only virgin. The groom’s leg is amputated or has some other deformity but still he wants only beautiful girl as bride.
Some of the ads. devote most of the write up to describe parents and relatives, with hardly any mention about the girl or boy. It is like the cub reporter describing a wedding. He wrote elaborately about the bride and closed the write up stating that the bridegroom did not turn up.
Now I come to abbreviations:
LPA: Lakh per annum(salary)
Ed: Educated
Prof. Professional
Prof. Qlfd: Professionally qualified Fmly: Family
BHP: Bio-data, Horoscope, Photo
4: For
NI: North Indian
V’b’ful: Very beautiful
Dent: Decent
Ed: Educated
Many ads. are lyrical. In some, the copy is at once bold and beautiful. Sample these:
" Do U dare to speak the truth & hate liar? R u barren, healthy, gen’rous, skilled logician, deplined, jovial, strong princ’pd, with ethical values from v.honest, fin strong, edu. Fly, afraid of
infidelity, s’fishness, profligacy, betrayal, cruelty & hence aloof?
28 yrs exp. Clerical cat’gory, jobless 47 ( looks v. young )/5’
4"/55/12 std. xtreme honest, free from all diseases & addicts. Xtra
caring, God f’ring, greedless, idealist, s’nsitive, s’f ward, self-g’dian, ready to join gal’s house/buss, is ideal 4 amity turns happy married life. Kol based, Mumbt, homely, unempld fair, elgnt, slim, wheatish, EB, Sylhet, Br, 35-40, gd cook, reluctant to conceive, prfrd. Boaster, trifler, xcuse!"
" Transcending prejudices to all intents and purposes it seeks the zeal and woman grits committing at the out set to walk along leaving holistic footprints of womanhood behind. Reponsibly aiming at accomplishment than achievement. I have the cause and the means for such to go husbandly. Blessed as ordered and healthy physical being, complimented as witty, I am 40 on the way with my time tested conviction and hence tracing my complementing half. To keep self-negating ones at bay, I say no grudge to or even welcome if in your on right. I am none of so called big names of the day, more for purposive than any other reason. May we turn out loving our equally own world in agreement! Please facilitate!" ( Don’t newspaper people check before publishing to find out whether this one has come from a lunatic asylum ).
When I read the above ads. first I thought of calling Sherlock Holms to unravel for me the mystery of various abbreviations. Then I realized that the poor guy had conked long back. Then I thought of consulting a Prof. But I abandoned the idea because most of the Professors are half gone and reading the above ad. would make the fellow a completely gone case. What we need is a Government committee to look into the matter because Government committees would take up even the least trivial matters for their worthy consideration.
How about the following one:
" VERY H’some, Mid 30/6, Absolutely looks 20s MBA Under Grad. Ivy league & Boarding School. Very Fair, Athletic, Cheerful, good looking, optimistic personality"
Despite my brain making an honest effort to decipher what does ‘ MBA Under Grad.’ means, I must confess that my brain conceded defeat.
" Seeking a girl who is well educated but strives to learn more, is gainfully busy but takes time out to keep fit, dresses to make heads turn, is sweet, spirited, graceful and fun for a charming bachelor, almost zero maintenance, Mr. two square feet but makes up by his willingness to learn and understanding of girl’s need for space, dozens of shoes and handbags."
Despite being an expert on the subject, I must admit I have not been able to unravel the mystery on what the words in italics mean. Will one of my readers enlighten me.
" English gentleman ( Professional Engineer ) mid 50s/5.10, seeks Indian matrimonial match. He is caring, funny, generous at heart, sporty and fit. Enjoys nature and outdoors."
Is he tired of goris. Or is he thinking that unlike goris, Indian women would not demand equal rights.
" If she is a real stunning beauty professionally qualified preferably medico long hair a rare combination of brain and beauty, understanding humour, values relationship."
Despite becoming a Guru on the subject of matrimonial ads. I have not been able to decipher what the phrase ‘ A single Doctorate’ in an ad. means:
To those who doubt whether such ads. are being published, the reader of this write up has a choice of looking into matrimonial ad. pages or contacting me for a copy of any of the ads. mentioned above ( of course for a fee ). Since in this country a few hours of reading is passed on as research, I can justifiably claim that I have done research on the subject and my findings are:
Dowry is prohibited by law. Yet many ads. state that there would be no demand for dowry. The obvious conclusion is that dowry is still being demanded openly.
Increasing number of ads. from divorcees. Those who are keen to catch up with the West, here is one area where we are doing it.
Desis who are settled in foreign countries are increasingly seeking brides with a religious bent of mind.
All want slim girls. Good for slimming shops. All emphasise on girls being very fair.
Cash registers of newspapers are ringing loudly because of increase in number of ads. as well as long write ups, despite shortening many words.
What happens next. Let me do some more research.
‘ Innocently divorced ‘
Hear from an old hand, and that is me. Don’t waste your time on a Sunday morning reading the newspaper, full of reports on mayhem or the shenanigans of two bit politicians. That only spoils your mood in the morning on a good holiday. Yes, ogling at the scantily dressed starlets in the third page or supplement would definitely cheer up the male reader/viewer. And for the females there is enough in the gossip column about the affairs of stars and also where ‘ Sale ‘ is taking place. But otherwise depression level goes up as you read more and more political stories. Instead, turn to the supplement on matrimonial ads. There is plenty to make you laugh till the lunch time.
Look up at the phrases in the beginning of this write up. You will first doubt whether anybody would write this in a matrimonial ad. You will think I have pulled a fast one. Believe me, not only these phrases are used in matrimonial ads. but there is plenty more in the same vein, as you would find out by the time you finish reading this write up. Doubting Thomases and those who wonder whether I am pulling a fast one could look into the supplement on matrimonial ads. to verify what I have stated, which is nothing but honest truth.
After studying the subject, pondering over the phrases mentioned in the beginning of this write up and applying my gray matter, I must say I have become an expert in deciphering what such phrases mean. If you want to enjoy reading matrimonial ads. then you have to develop the talent to decipher abbreviations and also what the advertiser wants to convey through certain phrases used. In fact I consider that this is a good subject for a Phd. thesis.
The fellow who had used the first phrase in the ad. wants to convey that he had an earlier marriage but that ended in a divorce. By adding innocently the word ‘ innocent ‘ he is crying out loud and clear that he was a victim in the earlier marriage and he is innocent in the break up of that marriage. He is seeking your ( reader’s ) sympathy and also making a clear and honest statement to those parents who are looking for suitable match for their daughters the fact that he is a decent guy and this is proved by his announcement of his innocence that ended the earlier marriage. Unsaid, he is reaching out to the prospective bride with a soul rending cry of ‘ here is an opportunity for you to put into practice the much adored Indian woman’s trait of giving solace to those who despair. I am a decent guy. I am an eligible bridegroom. But I have been taken for a ride. I am innocent. You could undo what fate has done to me.’ And there is an indirect proposition to the parents of girls looking for grooms. No big demand for dowry because he is divorced.
Mostly the ads. are from Indian males who had escapades in foreign countries forcing them in a moment of amnesia to marry white skinned women. Only a spoil sport would think of replyingto the effect ‘ O.K. you claim you are innocent. We want to verify the fact. Please send your ex-spouse’s address.’
There is something wrong with the phrase used in the second one, i.e., ‘innocently divorced.’
Does it mean that the person was sleeping when his wicked wife divorced him. Or did she drug him or hypnotize him and got his signature on the divorce paper and that he was not aware when the judge approved divorce. The above are only samples. More merrier is the ad. with the statement that the prospective bride is a ‘ virgin.’ But the hottest one is that which claims that the bride is ‘ absolute virgin.’ Now what is this business of being absolute virgin. I don’t know how the prospective bride grooms and their parents respond to these claims. But having nothing better to do I allow my imagination to run riot. Suppose the prospective bride groom replies to the ad. about the girl being virgin to the effect that to verify your claim, at the ‘ boy meets the girl ‘ ceremony, I am coming with my doctor for physical verification of the girl to confirm the statement made in the ad. In the case of ‘ absolute virgin, ‘ one fellow can tell the other fellow, ‘ Oh, you got a virgin girl. That is nothing. I got one who is absolutely virgin.’ But I am a bit puzzled. Either one is a virgin or not a virgin. What is this business of being absolute virgin. Would someone clarify. Sometime back there was a report in a newspaper that according to a survey conducted in Delhi ( quite often such surveys are limited to two or three persons or is a figment of imagination of the writer ) it was found that a large percentage of college girls have openly admitted that they had done it. Probably it is because of this development that some of the parents would have thought that in ads. inviting spouses for their daughters, they must convey, ‘ yes, some wicked girls in Delhi must have done it, but not my daughter, whose character is lily white.’
I am not a prude. But many of my friends are. There are others who are squeamish, abhor anything prurient and are or pretend to be unspoken members of the Moral Brigade. Some may be closet voyeurs. But that is neither here nor there. Sol let me change the gear. These ads. are veritable treasure troves. But one has to learn to decode the meaning of euphemisms used in these ads. So also one has to be adept in deciphering abbreviations used. For example, terms, such as ‘ high forehead ‘ or ‘ thinning hair.’ What is said euphemistically when decoded would mean that the prospective bride-groom is ‘ baldy.’ But don’t blame him. You don’t expect that in such ads. one would say truth only and the whole truth. On the contrary he has been truthful in admitting that his pate has only thin coverage. Same story goes for abbreviations. ‘V’b’ful’ in shorthand becomes ‘ Very Beautiful ‘ in long hand. Ads. are sold on the basis of space. Hence parents of brides and grooms have to use their ingenuity in cramming up in a very limited space all that they want to state. Then again one has to learn to understand hidden meanings in the ad. For example, if the ad. describes the edibles that the parents of the groom are fond of, you can take it that they are looking for a bride who is also a culinary expert. I can say unabashedly that I have become an expert in such decoding, though there is very little demand for my expertise. Letme become Sherlock Holmes because readers are more like ignoramus Watson and hence teach you the elementary methods of decoding, as below:
Ad. Write up Decoded message
High forehead: . Thinning hair Baldy
Not very : Shorty
Innocent divorcee" My former wife could not stand the sight of me
Innocently married did not know when I signed the deed before the magistrate
that my wicked wife has taken me for a ride
Virgin: Boldly stating this is on the assumption or hope that the bridegroom is ignoramus so
far as female biology and anatomy were concerned
Absolute virgin" Here is a modern and confident girl ( or her parents ) who is
sure that she would be able to convince the idiot of a groom that she is a virgin, even if she is not.
Age 50, but looks 35 (b) : The fellow regularly does make up, has a wig and false teeth.
Now what does (b) stand for. Is it bachelor or bastard.
Most handsome: The fellow has leukemia
Girl only consideration: ( What else could be ). So one must conclude that it is an indirect message for dowry.
All family members are This is to indicate that Income: Income Tax payers tax people have not yet caught any of the family members. Then again conceit can take any shape.
Highly educated with no airs : An MA in Hindi
Home educated " Flunked in eighth standard a number of times and hence his fprmal education was terminated at a tender age. After that he remained a permanent fixture in the
house doing nothing.
Modern but cultured : It is only a moron who would think that anybody who is
modern cannot be cultured. Or his meaning of modern is that of the Hindi fillum villain
Distant relative are settled abroad. I would like to join them. Will you help with a large
dowry.
Or., relatives abroad is a status symbol. But stating that they are distant relatives helps when the girl’s idiot of a brother wants to go abroad saying that they are
only distant relatives.
Alliance invited from a Sati, Savitri, Sita, , Laxmi and Saraswati -girl who is affectionate
broad minded, caring, honest, humble, loyal and prudent. = all in one piece.
Wanted a girl who will give high respect to the parents of the groom: I am fed up with them. The bride should be able to get them off my back.
Absolutely affluent : In the profession of smuggling
High status ( VIP ) - or politician, which often means the same
Groom’s parents like Makai ki roti: We required a non salaried cook. So for the
bride after the marriage it is straight journey to the kitchen
Issueless ( No fault ). Is the ‘ No fault ‘ adjective for lnability.
.
Sincerity and love is the Message: I am far above the loathsome fellows who
only consideration demand dowry in cash.
However, if the girl has not got the attributes mentioned then I may have to accept
dowry in cash.
Extracts from an acknowledged author on the subject are reproduced below:
"Many a parent knows that any attempt to find a match for his brat within his circle of acquaintances would be completely fruitless, he had no option but to put an ad. in the newspapers and hope that someone who did not know the brat would read it.
SM: Suitable Match ( and not sadomasochist )
PQM: Professionally Qualified Match ( and not pretty queer male )
SPQM B’ful Cltrd frm Stld fly: Suitable Professionally Qualified , beautiful, cultured from settled family
PQM for PB BR boy: ( Poor Bihari, Pauchy Bengali, Bloody Rude, Generally Bald or Good Boozer
NUDE: Nice, Understanding, Decent, and Elegant bride"
HOT: Handsome, Outstanding and Tall
BIKINI: Beautiful, Interesting, Knowledgeable, Independent, Nice Individual
Back to my writing. The messages in many ads. are not subtle. The attitude is ‘ could not care what you think. But this is what I want.’ The girl must be ‘ pure.’ This is just a variation of the girl being ‘virgin’ cited earlier. Wanted ‘ homely’ girl. Now this is pure fun. What is meant by the term ‘ homely’ is that the girl should ideally adjust to the family and should treat the new home as her home. But then none of those who wrote this ad. cared to look at the dictionary meaning of ‘ homely ‘ which is ‘ plain looking.’ In fact in the English language the phrase plain looking is meant to convey that the girl is not attractive. It is O.K. if the girl is only ‘ somewhat educated.’ After all she is going to be essentially servant in the new home. The girl atleast must be ‘ locally beautiful’ meaning that if she is not fit for national beauty contest atleast must stand out among the girls of the mohalla. It is not sufficient for the girl to be beautiful, she has to be ‘ really beautiful.’
In India still marriage is considered to be a one time affair in the life. So why should the boy or parents of the boy or girl takchance in advertising what type of specimen they are looking for.
This is not a matter to be coy or shy. Those attitudes are evident from the following ads.
" The girl ( wanted ) intellectually, culturally accomplished with or without professional education, willing to set up a happy, healthy home.’
( In other words, presently it is not a happy home. Then again for achieving the objective, would the girl being intellectually and culturally inclined to help. Don’t say why I should be a spoil sport and ask these stupid questions. )
" In search of Bold & Beautiful slim life partner to travel the life journey with care, love and respect." ( Unstated message: the girl should be as voluptuous as the girls in the Bold & Beautiful serial).
" If she is a real stunning beauty, professionally qualified, preferably medico, long hair, a rare combination of brain and beauty, understands humour, values relationship."
( All my life I have been miserable. So why can’t I have pleasant dream of getting a bride like that )
" Good person, loving, caring, honest good looking, good cook, own house, car."
( But why did he leave out his job or profession or that he is in business. The inference to be drawn is that he would like the would be bride to have all the attributes and ownership of what has been advertised but that he is a loafer. )
" I believe that there is no greater thing than for two human souls to feel that they are joined for life – to continuously create shared
joy, to strengthen each other in all labour, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent, unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting. I see marriage as the practice of becoming life-long passionate friends.’ ( The guy or girl is not normal. He or she is in for a great disappointment after marriage ).
‘Business turnover eight figures. Tea-totaller, strict vegetarian, ungiven to vices, hard thinker, possesses astute business acumen, studied intermediate English medium.’
( Here is a typical Hindi fillum hero. Only positive traits. Forgot to mention that he could fight also ).
‘ No issues whatsoever.’ ( meaning no children )
‘ Someone must prove that beauty and brain do exist. Looking for a sensational beauty with oodles of common sense, grace and no airs. Everything else is immaterial. The boy is petulant, aggressive, romantic, original, very successful industrialist with lots of foreign degrees. Please do me a favour and don’t send me Xeroxed bio-data’s.’ ( Nit wits abound this earth. Do I need to comment any more).
‘ Looking younger by decades ( He is seventy but looks fifty),
‘ Fair, smart, attractive, affectionate, soft spoken, cheerful with a high sense of humour yet sober, sophisticated, accomplished, caring and home loving with strong belief in family and human values.’ ( What has humour got to do with being sober )
‘ Divorcee with a very brief and notional spell of married life.’ ( ‘Brief’ I can understand. But what does ‘notional’ mean )
" Smart, gori, sweet nature, V. beautiful"
" Seek beautiful, educated and flexible girl."
( I am again foxed. What does ‘ flexible’ girl means)
" Divorcee ( Single again by Luck not by choice ) taking again an honest second chance." ( Meaning that in the second choice what the earlier one did to me I may do with you ).
‘ very independent ( no brothers )’
( This is from ad. for a bride. But what is the message in the words in brackets )
‘ We have only 2 sons and no daughter.’
( This is from an ad. for a bride. Message must be that there need be no apprehension of cat fight after the marriage )
‘ He is an all American with an Eastern Soul ‘ ( Looks like a bargain offer, i.e., two buys at one price )
Male chauvinism is amply evident in these ads. The groom may be 60. But he wants a bride under 30. The man may be divorcee
but he wants only virgin. The groom’s leg is amputated or has some other deformity but still he wants only beautiful girl as bride.
Some of the ads. devote most of the write up to describe parents and relatives, with hardly any mention about the girl or boy. It is like the cub reporter describing a wedding. He wrote elaborately about the bride and closed the write up stating that the bridegroom did not turn up.
Now I come to abbreviations:
LPA: Lakh per annum(salary)
Ed: Educated
Prof. Professional
Prof. Qlfd: Professionally qualified Fmly: Family
BHP: Bio-data, Horoscope, Photo
4: For
NI: North Indian
V’b’ful: Very beautiful
Dent: Decent
Ed: Educated
Many ads. are lyrical. In some, the copy is at once bold and beautiful. Sample these:
" Do U dare to speak the truth & hate liar? R u barren, healthy, gen’rous, skilled logician, deplined, jovial, strong princ’pd, with ethical values from v.honest, fin strong, edu. Fly, afraid of
infidelity, s’fishness, profligacy, betrayal, cruelty & hence aloof?
28 yrs exp. Clerical cat’gory, jobless 47 ( looks v. young )/5’
4"/55/12 std. xtreme honest, free from all diseases & addicts. Xtra
caring, God f’ring, greedless, idealist, s’nsitive, s’f ward, self-g’dian, ready to join gal’s house/buss, is ideal 4 amity turns happy married life. Kol based, Mumbt, homely, unempld fair, elgnt, slim, wheatish, EB, Sylhet, Br, 35-40, gd cook, reluctant to conceive, prfrd. Boaster, trifler, xcuse!"
" Transcending prejudices to all intents and purposes it seeks the zeal and woman grits committing at the out set to walk along leaving holistic footprints of womanhood behind. Reponsibly aiming at accomplishment than achievement. I have the cause and the means for such to go husbandly. Blessed as ordered and healthy physical being, complimented as witty, I am 40 on the way with my time tested conviction and hence tracing my complementing half. To keep self-negating ones at bay, I say no grudge to or even welcome if in your on right. I am none of so called big names of the day, more for purposive than any other reason. May we turn out loving our equally own world in agreement! Please facilitate!" ( Don’t newspaper people check before publishing to find out whether this one has come from a lunatic asylum ).
When I read the above ads. first I thought of calling Sherlock Holms to unravel for me the mystery of various abbreviations. Then I realized that the poor guy had conked long back. Then I thought of consulting a Prof. But I abandoned the idea because most of the Professors are half gone and reading the above ad. would make the fellow a completely gone case. What we need is a Government committee to look into the matter because Government committees would take up even the least trivial matters for their worthy consideration.
How about the following one:
" VERY H’some, Mid 30/6, Absolutely looks 20s MBA Under Grad. Ivy league & Boarding School. Very Fair, Athletic, Cheerful, good looking, optimistic personality"
Despite my brain making an honest effort to decipher what does ‘ MBA Under Grad.’ means, I must confess that my brain conceded defeat.
" Seeking a girl who is well educated but strives to learn more, is gainfully busy but takes time out to keep fit, dresses to make heads turn, is sweet, spirited, graceful and fun for a charming bachelor, almost zero maintenance, Mr. two square feet but makes up by his willingness to learn and understanding of girl’s need for space, dozens of shoes and handbags."
Despite being an expert on the subject, I must admit I have not been able to unravel the mystery on what the words in italics mean. Will one of my readers enlighten me.
" English gentleman ( Professional Engineer ) mid 50s/5.10, seeks Indian matrimonial match. He is caring, funny, generous at heart, sporty and fit. Enjoys nature and outdoors."
Is he tired of goris. Or is he thinking that unlike goris, Indian women would not demand equal rights.
" If she is a real stunning beauty professionally qualified preferably medico long hair a rare combination of brain and beauty, understanding humour, values relationship."
Despite becoming a Guru on the subject of matrimonial ads. I have not been able to decipher what the phrase ‘ A single Doctorate’ in an ad. means:
To those who doubt whether such ads. are being published, the reader of this write up has a choice of looking into matrimonial ad. pages or contacting me for a copy of any of the ads. mentioned above ( of course for a fee ). Since in this country a few hours of reading is passed on as research, I can justifiably claim that I have done research on the subject and my findings are:
Dowry is prohibited by law. Yet many ads. state that there would be no demand for dowry. The obvious conclusion is that dowry is still being demanded openly.
Increasing number of ads. from divorcees. Those who are keen to catch up with the West, here is one area where we are doing it.
Desis who are settled in foreign countries are increasingly seeking brides with a religious bent of mind.
All want slim girls. Good for slimming shops. All emphasise on girls being very fair.
Cash registers of newspapers are ringing loudly because of increase in number of ads. as well as long write ups, despite shortening many words.
What happens next. Let me do some more research.
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