Charter of demands of women - spoof

( As the demands essentially relate to ‘women’ as ‘wives,’ in this document the word ‘women’ has been substituted by ‘wives’)

Preamble:

This is the first attempt to codify the stated and unstated collective demands of wives from their husbands from time immemorial. It is the fundamental right of each wife to amend, add and subtract the Charter so far as her affairs are concerned. Neither Governments nor the judiciary will have any right to interpret, add and nullify the Charter. Equally, religions and NGOs will have no say in the mater. It is the collective hope of wives in this planet that, instead of taking a macho or logical/rational position, all husbands will appreciate the genuine demands and aspirations and stated position of wives and make all out efforts to ensure that the provisions in the Charter are adhered to in letter and spirit for harmony in the homes.

1. Wardrobe:

There is nothing in our dictionary of enough dress material. Just because men are satisfied with having a dozen suits or thirty pants / shirts, it is not a relatable point to assess how many dresses wives should have. No wife had enough dress items from the time wives had started draping themselves with clothes. It is mortifying for us to be seen by other ladies at any place including in our house with the same dress which had been seen by the ladies earlier. Men have a habit of wearing the same dress, which they consider as their best one, on all occasions. This difference has to be appreciated by all husbands without any value judgment.

To visit ‘ Sale’ is our inalienable right. It has nothing to do with our need for a new dress. We may also not purchase anything. If the bargain is good, then we may pick up something, because it is in our nature not to let go a good bargain.

Going alongwith the change in fashion is part of feminine culture and the same has nothing to do with logic or rational approach. It is mortifying for us to be seen with an old fashioned dress. That change in the fashion in respect of male dress takes place at a lower pace than in the case of women is no fault of women folk.

It is an unsaid code among we women-folk that none of my best friends should have a dress better than what I have.

It is prohibited for husbands to make calculation of the value, i.e., return for the expenditure incurred, of a dress by looking into the number of times the same was used.

It is the inalienable right of women not to give away free a dress which we would not use in the future.

If a husband praises the dress of any other lady, immediately he shall shell out enough money to the wife to purchase a better dress.

2. Attending parties / visits to other families and vice versa:

In our reckoning being punctual is to be half an hour late and hence husbands should not make a fuss on the matter.

On such occasions it is to be expected that we would reduce our ages by five years, increase the ages of our best friends by three years and double the salaries of husbands. All of us do it and hence it is no sin.

Any wife can always see through the effort of the husband to masquerade as casual look his ogling at an attractive woman, which the woman never misses. And the elation that the husband feels at this is something which no wife can exonerate.

No wife ever misses her husband’s repeated uni-directional visits to the bar. Even if the wife pretends to have not noticed the same, the glazy look of the husband when the party is over is the give away.

Husbands say that they talk while the wives gossip - what is the difference. Husbands cannot take a holier than thou approach to the matter.

By nature, men are a poor judge of people. Hence leave it to the wives to decide who should be invited to their parties or return visit to others’ homes or own home.

3. Home expenditure:

Just as in the case of Government, funds allocated to the wives for monthly expenses should keep pace with the ever increasing the expenditure. Do not quote level of inflation, be it up or down. Inflation has nothing to do with market prices. To whet our desire for spending, need for more money has to be reckoned as a fact of life. Husbands should realize the basic logic that more shopping malls mean more expenditure. Same is the position in respect of newer and newer house hold goods. The existing vacuum cleaner is quite O.K. is no argument against purchase of the latest one, especially when some of the neighbours have purchased the same. No detailed account should be sought about the house-hold expenditure. On this count husbands should learn to be more trusting of their wives.

4. Work-place of husbands
Instinctively we wives can gauge the level of proximity of female species to our husbands in the work places. This is a God given sixth sense. Added to that is our ferreting out tits and bits from the driver and also from the wives of colleagues of husbands. And lastly our occasional spying of the bodies and dresses worn by husbands for any tell tale marks, such as, lipstick. nail marks etc., followed by intensive questioning. Since this is done for marital harmony, husbands cannot take a stand of our being too intrusive in their personal matters. Vice versa is not a relevant issue. Husbands also need to dispel the joint suspicion of wives that the husbands spend late hours in office not doing any work but indulging in gossip. Since we have nothing to hide from our husbands about running the house, husbands should also be open to us on all matters relating to office and our questioning should not be viewed as Gestapo tactics.

5. Behaviour code for husbands while they are in the home:

No ogling or smiling at maid servants. Direct engagement of maid servants by the husbands for any errands is prohibited. The same should be routed through proper channel, i.e., wives. Husbands should be properly attired in the house and especially not walk around half naked. Tired and hence resting is no excuse to do any errands the wife will entrust him. Giving a helping hand to the wife on the daily chores should be done with equanimity and not with an expression of self sacrifice. Interface with neighbours would be limited to male species only. Conversation with any visiting lady neighbour should be limited to ‘ Hi.’ The excuse of tomorrow is a holiday is not acceptable for the heightened worship of Bacchus. Any adverse comment on the food cooked in the house should be limited to maximum once in six
months. The right of wife to invade the privacy of the husband should not be taken as having similar rights for the husband. Home is not a democratic institution. Husbands have the right to be informed and not the right to question the decisions taken by the wives in running the home.

6. Children:

In the beginning, stock answer of the father to the questions of progenies, excepting in respect of home work and tying the shoe, should be ‘ ask mummy.’ After some time the children would be attuned to the power play in the home and learn to live with it. Molly coddling children and thus spoiling them has been universally found to be the work of fathers. Fathers should resist the temptation to do the same. While in home it is the bounden duty of the father to ensure that children give some breathing time to mothers.

7. In-laws:

It is a universal phenomenon, known to all but seldom brought out in the open, that wives like their husbands’ mothers-in-law more than their own mothers-in-law and hence both de jure and de facto acceptance to the same has to be given my male specie. Accepting this truism, wives will have the right to bring any time to the home their husbands’ mothers-in-laws and make them stay for long periods. During that time husbands should maximize their efforts to follow the sanely advice on various matters freely given by their mothers-in-laws. Criticism and chiding by their mothers-in-law should be taken in the stride by the husbands.

8. Decision making powers:

Wives of the world collectively recognize the fact that husbands, being male, have higher intelligence quotient than wives and hence on important matters, such as, who will win Democratic Election in USA, what is the stand of the family on reservation of seats for women in Parliament, whether Taslima should be allowed to stay in India, whom to vote in the next election, etc., the decisions will entirely rest on husbands. On minor matters, such as, which school their children should study, where to go on holidays, where to build their house, etc., it would be the prerogative of the wives to take decisions, with husbands being informed at the appropriate time.

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