IS MAN RATIONAL...?

MAN IS RATIONAL – WHO SAID IT - MAN HIMSELF -
I DON’T LIKE TO HEAR THE OTHER SIDE

1. To take / give or not dowry - that is the question.

Rajaram: “Hey, Ravindran, you seem to be in a bad mood.”

Ravindran: “Who would not be. Can you believe that in this modern age the would be bride groom of my daughter and his family are demanding dowry of ten lakhs and hundred sovereigns and hinted that it would make them happy if these are topped with an upper end car. What is the progress that we have made. Is this civilised way of living. Look at the Western countries which have advanced in every field. No dowry system is there. At the time of marriage women are treated like saleable commodities. This is despite facts, such as, many women in India now are educated equally as that of men and are capable of handling jobs which men do. In the eyes of law both men and women are equal. Taking dowry is a cognizable offence and yet people have no qualm in committing that crime. This is not confined to villages. In cities also this is happening. Rich people ask and get astronomical sums of money as dowry. Even educated people indulge in this vice. We are still in the dark ages with sinful concepts. The practice of Sati and child marriages are still there. Yes, I can afford to give what they asked for. That is not the point. Should I also be part of this pernicious custom. Man, is this is twentieth century or not. All the more the demand is hurting me since my daughter is beautiful, educated and has a good job.”

The dowry was paid and the marriage was solemnized. Rajaram met Ravindran after two years.

Rajaram: “Hey, Ravindran, what is this I am hearing – that you are demanding twenty lakh rupees and villa as dowry for your son.”

Ravindran ( somewhat sheepishly ): “Yes, dowry is an age old custom. We should not treat our traditions customs lightly and trifle with the same. The significance of some of them may not be fully known to us. But when our wise forefathers started these and such other customs and traditions, there must be solid reasons for the same. Already the youngsters are showing signs of deserting our customs and traditions. Those of us who are mature and value our traditions should make an example to youngsters by not deviating from the same. Customs and traditions cannot be subjected to modern day rational approach to life. These are sacrosanct. It is not as if by taking dowry one is purchasing a girl. That is a very vulgar interpretation. The girl who is Lakshmi is bringing Lakshmi – that is the way the custom has to be interpreted. The age old customs and traditions are the back born of our whole society and values and bedrock of our civilization. The same has stood the test of time. If we start departing from one custom or tradition, tomorrow all the traditional values would be lost. Then again I don’t want to be an odd man in the society. That is why I paid dowry for my daughter. I have to recoup that dowry given by demanding dowry for my son. One has to go with the flow. I am only doing what others are doing. I alone cannot resist the system. Then again I have spent lot of money on my son’s education, particularly in sending him abroad. There is no selfish interest as far as I and my wife are concerned. The money and the villa are not for me or my wife. It is for the couple in as much as my daughter in law is also going to own the dowry and the villa.

People with money, be it in villages, towns or cities still give / take dowry. It has become part of societal mores. Even when the boy’s family does not demand dowry, the girls’ family would insist on giving the dowry because of the custom and because they want the society to know how much they have paid as dowry indirectly indicating how rich they are. Yes, all these customs are slowly undergoing change. In Kerala the dowry system is vanishing. In the case of love marriages, there is no dowry in almost all cases. Then again for marriage ceremonies a lot of money is spent, more so from the side of the bride. Many parents lament at this huge expenditure which in a sense is waste of money. Yet, they have to comply with societal conventions. I am part of the society and I am not a revolutionary. But I will change alongwith the changes in society.”





2. Love marriages - Arranged marriages

Sekar: “ Hey Ravindran, it looks like that you are in a foul mood. Why?”

Ravindran: “What to say. My son is having a live in arrangement with his girl friend and I am terribly ashamed. What will my relatives and neighbours think when they come to know about the same.”

Sekhar: “But then with march of time and increasing influence of Western culture, this was bound to happen. Consider the following.

In the West the concept of arranged marriage is alien to their culture. Marriage there means only love marriage. Hence they cannot visualize how a boy and girl, strangers to each other, could get married. On the other hand, in India, Arab countries and in most South Asian countries, arranged marriage was the norm, with love marriages being exception till the recent past.

Positives and negatives of each of the above two modes of marriages cancel each other. Theoretically, love marriages should be happier, since the boy and girl know each other before marriage including the respective pluses and minuses. And there is love. But at ground level the realities are different. During the period of love affair, each exhibits his/her plus points. Negatives are hidden. Then again during the period of love, one is blind as the poets say. What often happens is that the couple after the love marriage live and function in the same way as the couple in arranged marriage. Difference in opinions develop. Warts in each of the two not visible or over looked by the other at the time of love affair become discernible. Each of them want to more independence as was the position during the period of affair. Each wants to control the other. The difference between the two types of marriages are that in the case of arranged marriages, since each partner has no idea of the likes and dislikes of the other, after marriage they slowly become aware of the same and start adjusting. There is no let down state as in the case of love marriages. It is one thing to have an affair and yet another matter to live together. Viewed from this perspective there is more chance of love marriages breaking down rather than arranged marriages. This is proved by the increasing number of divorces of lovers married . Divorcees fall in love with some others or their parents find them suitable matches and again marry. That on a matter like this experience does not teach anything is proved by the fact that many of the remarriages also break up.

On other hand in India in the arranged marriages the boy and girl get acquainted after the marriage and then slowly love between them develops. As said earlier, as they go along each one notices the pluses and minuses of the partner and some sort of adjustments are done to ensure enjoyable living together. In the case of arranged marriages, it is not merely a marriage of boy and girl but of two families. Hence if the arranged marriage is not working, then families of both and even those from the society try to patch up the quarreling couple.

But in recent times in India also love marriages and divorces are increasing in number. Parents of both boys and girls are finding it difficult to adjust to this development. First, the concept of love marriage is yet to take root in India. For ages, for Indians, marriage meant arranged marriage. The problem is further compounded by two other aspects. One is the language. Unlike in USA, UK, France, Germany, etc., where by far the spoken language in each country is only one, in India there are more than a dozen languages. So a language barrier is created between the parents, more so as most parents may not be fluent with either English or Hindi. Second is the religion / caste differences. This is also not a serious problem in the above mentioned countries in contrast to the same being a gigantic problem in India. Religion/caste has strong hold on our psyche.

In the cities and towns boys and girls work together. Most of them are educated. With jobs they have security on the monetary front and need not depend on their parents. Western influence and so also cinemas, both of which are for love marriages, are making the youngsters to look at love marriage with new perspective. Many of them fall in love. The discipline in the home or fear of parents, which were the corner stones of our family life for eons, are falling apart.

The parents are bewildered. They spy on their wards. They cajole daughters to agree for arranged marriage at the earliest.

And now slowly the live-in concept is gaining currency in cities, whereby a boy and girl live together as long as they like. The grown ups who are yet to learn to adjust to love marriage, view this new development with horror. Even in respect of love marriages they had a lot of explaining to do with the relatives. But the parents find it extremely difficult to accept the live-in couple syndrome and much less able to explain to their relatives. On a practical side, from the point of view of parents, it was difficult to get matches for those who are divorced. The same would be much more difficult in the case of live in couples, in case at some time the boy and girl decide to wind up their arrangement, as happens most of the time. But then there is not much difference between love affair and live in arrangement. In both cases, boy and girl spend time together and in most cases are having sex between them. Breaking of love affair leads to bitterness and heart burning. In the case of live in arrangement, the acrimony is much less because from the beginning the understanding between the girl and boy is that any time one can disengage from the arrangement. In other words, there is lot of merit in live-in arrangement as compared to love marriages and arranged marriages from the point of view of agony of the separated couple.

One has to understand the metamorphosis that is taking place in this country so far as the youngsters are concerned. Co-education, classes having boys and girls of different religions and regions, more opportunities for a boy to meet and spend time with a girl, decreasing level of importance attached to religion/caste/region by the youngsters, fear of parents being substituted with some amount of wariness, boys and girls not prepared to accept a say on their lives by uncles and aunties, financial independence, etc., have made boys and girls to take their lives as their own, rather than part of the family.

Many of the youngsters who had gone to West in recent times from India, seeing the increasing number of live in couples and society there adjusting to the same, have also started live in arrangement in those countries..

With march of time, with Western influence in the way of dressing, living, etc., on the ascendancy, with youngsters having good jobs with money to live well, cine romance ending beautifully, etc., it is inevitable that in marriage also changes would take place. But most of the parents are not yet prepared to accept these changes and taking the same in their stride.

But there indeed is a down-side to love marriages. It goes against Indian family traditions. Such couples become too independent from the families. In times of strife between the couple, the elders in the families on both sides become somewhat helpless in trying to sort out issues because their advice or help is seldom sought by the couple. In arranged marriages, families of both sides request or cajole the couple not to divorce. The advice often is to give a breather, i.e., not to precipitate matters. Quite often this sane guidance works in as much as the couple reconcile.

The down-side of live-in arrangement is that, unless during the live-in period the boy and girl fall in love culminating in marriage, there are good chances of discontinuance of live-in arrangement after a period. It is would be very difficult for the girl to have an arranged marriage, if per chance the live in arrangement is known to the parents of suitors. The concept of live in arrangement is very much loaded against having family with children. That is the down-side. Now almost all parents want their children to have families. That is the tragedy of live-in arrangement.

3. Politicians – all love to hate

Ravindran: “ Chotu, don’t you think that politicians in this country are the lowest scum on earth. They are the trouble makers in this country. Most of them have hardly any education. And they decide weighty matters affecting millions of people and involving huge sums of money, which Government gets from you and me. They are corruption personified. Is there hope for our country with these types of politicians ruling the roost.”

Chotu: “ Well, world over politicians are pilloried. Antics of politicians are there for everybody to see, through print and visual media. So in a manner of speaking, concentrated attention is focused on them. Their constituency stands apart from the constituencies of other vocations. But consider the flaws of other vocations and then you may not be as harsh on politicians as you do now.

Doctors: How many of them follow in spirit the Hippocratic oath of proper conduct of their profession. Most of them take fees in currency because then easily they could avoid paying Income Tax on such receipts. Even well to do doctors attached to institutions, where they get their salary by cheque, while doing private practice take the fees in currency. Many of them are cahoots with medical representatives for a consideration. Hardly any doctor prefers to go to villages and attend to the poor. There is hardly any free service to the poor. Some of them are adept in prescribing all sort of medicines including placebo, not needed for curing the ailment, either/ or because of the money they receive from the medical shops or because they want to satisfy the patient.

Legal profession: Again mostly and especially in the first few years of their practice, take money in cash and hardly pay any income tax.. They are prepared to defend even known criminals. By joining hands with the opposite advocate, they agree for innumerable adjournments because the same benefits both advocates because fee is paid per hearing. . The original concept of legal profession was that they are to help the court. But to say that in today’s context is laughable. Many of the clients are surprised at the concoction of their cases by the advocates to win the cases.

Judiciary: Rampant corruption is there at the lower levels and to some extent even middle levels. Cases get piled up, some even for five to ten years. Even on frivolous matters, appeals to higher courts are allowed. Frequent adjournments have become order of the day. Forget about a poor man, even a middle class person has to pay through his hat to meet the expenses in going through the charade.

Babudom: High level of corruption accompanied by high brow attitude, rule bound, lethargic, often inaccessible to lower strata that it is a mockery to have the suffix of ‘Service.’

Businessmen: Every day hundreds of small scale industries close shops, with unpaid wages to workers and statutory dues to Government. But owners seldom are affected. Generally they are well off because of the siphoning of funds from business. Many of them operate with permanent arrangements with various inspectors of Government, such as, with contractors for hiring labour below Minimum Wage, with Inspectors of Excise for under declaration of production, etc., Once such business people graduate to bigger business, then all their extravagant expenses are billed to the companies. They evade and not avoid payment of full Income Tax. It is a known secret that businessmen have hoarded thousands of crores of rupees in Swiss banks. In their dictionary managing the situation means bribing somebody. Their opulent style of living is a matter of envy of many businessmen from other countries.

Contractors: Should one need to elaborate

Professionals: Their tax payment is in ‘ letter ‘ and not in ‘ spirit’ since they want to consume the spirit themselves. And there are taxation experts who are willing to show them how to avoid paying full taxes without being caught.

Politicians. Firstly one has to understand the fact that the most successful politician is he who says in the loudest voice what the people are thinking most often. Hence when onion price goes up, the politician has to holler on the subject, place the blame on somebody and make suggestions, whether workable or not, for solving the problem. For professionals, academicians and other educated classes this may look like circus or empty sloganeering. Said or unsaid each occupation has a manifesto. This is the position all over the world. Look at the statements of the two politicians fighting for the post of President in USA. They know that whoever gets elected would not be able to implement even 10% of their own suggestions. In the case of MPs, in the initial period of their career which could span from five to ten years they cannot make any money. It is only when their influence with higher politicians ( and through them to bureaucracy ) takes root that they are able to make some money for arranging this or that. Till that time they have to fend for themselves. And then some of them may be get elected as MLAs or MPs. But there is no guarantee of their being elected the second time or after that. In a nutshell their time span for making good money is limited. As against this position, the above mentioned classes have uninterrupted income for a long time and particularly in the case of babus there is long term assured income from Government, quarters to stay and pension. In spite of that there is widespread corruption among babus.

During the tenure as an MP, a politician gets a monthly salary of Rs. 16,000 + Rs. 1000 per day sitting allowance. There are then other perks, such as, rent free accommodation, meeting telephone Bills by the Government, free passes for air travel, etc., Many of the MPs make money on the Rupees two crores given to each MP for development projects in his area. This total package could be viewed as low or high, depending on the perception of others. But the major point is that in the case of most politicians this is not a permanent income.

Politicians are constantly in touch with masses and they know the pulse and needs. Is that the position of babus ( who still follow the tradition of white men who ruled India of being distant from people ). So the politicians ask for populous schemes. They play up frivolous issues, because the masses want those issues to be raised. Many of the politicians are not educated. But is that a disqualification. The other categories mentioned above are educated. But are they good citizens. If not, then why single out politicians. The problem with the educated people in professions other than politics is that they evaluate politicians from their narrow perspective.

There is also another reason. What is published in visual / print media is the antics of politicians , their frivolous statements, partisan views etc., Their sensible approaches to issues expressed in the floor of the House or in Committees is seldom published. The problem here is that evaluation of their performance is done by others based on the criteria for other professions.

Hence on balance can you say that everything is wrong only with politicians as if others are lily white.

4. Religious beliefs

Ravindran: “Hey Palani, this country is going to dogs. Hinduism is the religion of this country for the last over 10,000 years. It is the religion of this country because I was born here and over 70% of Indians are Hindus, whereas other religions are comprised of Indian people who got converted from Hinduism or members of other religions from other countries coming and settling down here. Yet in my own country I am questioned about my beliefs.”

Palani: “ You will agree with me that this country had human beings for eons. You say that Hinduism was the religion for over 10,000 years. So indirectly you agree with me that for a longer period there was no religion in this country and for that matter in any other country. When Hinduism was formed, people who had no religion became members of Hinduism. Then what is wrong with Hindus converting to other religions. The main religions in India, apart from Hinduism, originated in this country between 2000 years and 600 years or so. Is that not a long period for any of those religions to claim that they are also part of this country.

Religious beliefs are important to most of the people, though most of them would find it difficult to cogently explain why it is so. It is not that they don’t want to but most of them are unaware of the causes for the entrenched beliefs in the psyche. Firstly, such beliefs are passed through genes. Secondly, elders in the family inculcate such beliefs in the youngsters. Then there is the comfort level of being part of a religion through the beliefs of that religion. Questioning such beliefs or enquiring the genesis of such beliefs is frowned upon by the elders and society. Mesmeric speeches of self proclaimed religious saviours also further solidify such beliefs. Such beliefs become part of the psyche similar to learning by rote.
Religious beliefs of different religions to a large extent differ from one religion to another. And most people of a religion tend to take the stand that their beliefs are sacrosanct whereas the beliefs of other religions are questionable. The so called religious leaders are the ones who had largely created this dichotomy.

It is the conflict in the beliefs of different religions that has been the main cause for innumerable number of wars in the past. In the recent times this has been the cause for alienation of members of one faith and another. The approach of ‘ live and let live ‘ is under siege of the fundamentalists of each religion.

A simple approach to this matter of ‘ you have your religion and beliefs and I will have mine and let us respect each other ‘ would put a lid to the problems of conflicts of religions. Is it not?”

5. I and my servant - the idiocy of double talk

Rajiv: You seem to be upset. What is the matter.

Ravindran: Yes I am upset. Who would not be at what has happened. I have been performing well in my work. This has been repeatedly mentioned to me. And I got promotions fast compared to others in my organization in the past. But this year, I have been given a measly increment of Rs. 10000 and no promotion when some of my colleagues, whom management in the past had compared disfavourably compared to my performance, have been either promoted or got much higher increments. To make matters worse, lower rung employees are asking for more benefits than they deserve and I being Head of Administration I have to deal with the demand of such recalcitrant and lazy bums.

Rajiv: But then when you were promoted frequently and given more increments than your peers, did you ever think of what they would have felt. In the matter of promotions and increment levels, managements take decisions from larger perspective and from different view points. Your judgment of yourself need not tally with the appraisal of managements. I deserve but he does not – this is a perennial syndrome among most of the work-force in all organizations, irrespective of their levels in the organization. Aspiration of everyone has been going up in recent times. So how could you say that lower level people are demanding more than what they deserve.

Incidentally, we all love to have higher increments, frequent promotions, more perks, etc., But what about servants in our homes. How many of us give them annual increments or leave or medical benefits or terminal benefits. They are not organized and so they have to just accept what we dole out. Now slowly demand for servants has started outstripping supply. So they ask for higher wages. Willy nilly we give them. But if they ask for any other benefit we will hit the roof.

6. Commit a crime -Don’t worry-There is judiciary to save you

George: “ Hey Ravindran, what is this bandage on your hand. And yet you are in a cheerful mood.”

Ravindran: “ I took a loan for purchase of a car from ICICI. After a few months of regular payment of EMI, I defaulted. ICICI sent goondas to recover EMI and failing which the car. When I refused to pay EMI and give back the car, the goondas broke my arm. I went to the court. The court restrained ICICI from repossessing the car and allowed me to pay back the money when I am able to do so. The court also fined ICICI rupees ten lakhs for the criminal method they had adopted to recover the car and awarded me the same as damages for the broken arm. So now I have the car and rupees ten lakhs and will pay EMI at my sweet will. This will teach a good lessen to ICICI for their barbarous act.”

George: “ I am happy because you are happy. But hear me out. ICICI had a water tight case against you since the written document signed by you says that if you default in paying EMI they can reposes the car. They are supposed to go to the Police and then to judiciary for sorting out the matter. Legally ICICI is entitled to get help from police and courts in recovering the money they lent you or for recovery of the car. They did not do it because police is seldom on the side of truth but on the side of bribe. In court a smart lawyer can see to it that the case goes on for years. This ground level reality forced ICICI to use strong arm methods.

Four or five decades back such incidents were numerous in respect of flats given on rent. Tenants refused any hike in rent after occupying the flat for a few years and were also not prepared to vacate the premises taken on rent. Many a landlord had to shell out huge sums of money and pay the same to tenants, often more than the rents they had received in the past, for the tenants to vacate the premises. At that time it was not the practice to have legal documents for the premises let out. So landlords became wiser. They now give on lease premises for not more than three years, with agreed provision in the lease document for annual increase in rent. Yet some of them have to use strong arm methods even now to get the premises vacated, because they are fully aware that taking the matters to court would not get them anywhere. Supreme Court has now come with a judgment giving powers to landlords to get tenants vacate premises taken on rent. Yes, many a tenant would feel the heat of this judgment. But when we look objectively at the issue, the landlords have been given justice. Yes, there would be agitations. Shopkeepers who have taken premises on rent would agitate and seek Government help. Since election is looming on the horizon Government may buckle. That would be an injustice so far as landlords are concerned.

From time immemorial money lenders in villages have been giving loans without any document and at times insisting on the borrower to hypothecate jewelry or lease deed of the house of the borrower. And they have been using frequently strong arm methods to recover the money.

The courts should have been aware of these things. But there is a dilemma for courts. Even when some of the courts are aware of these ground level realities, they cannot openly state the same and exonerate ICICI. But it is easy for courts to take a moral ground and be on the side of ( poor ) David in the fight with ( rich ) Goliath. If this is happening to an organization with impeccable record as that of ICICI, then in due course no financial institution is going to continue with or start such schemes, which means lakhs of people who are aspiring for personal vehicle would be denied of the same for the simple reason they may not have enough money to make full payment at the time of purchase of the car.”

7. Money lending - we still cling to old concepts.

Jauhar: “ Hey, Ravindran, you are sitting like a contented Cheshire cat. What is cooking.”

Ravindran: “You know I have constructed a house. But during the construction I found that my estimates had gone awry. Related to the estimate of cost, my savings and what I can get from institutions by providing collateral fell short by rupees three lakhs. So I asked a friend of mine to lend me rupees three lakhs and I assured him that I will repay in three years. My friend agreed and paid by cheque the money and so I am happy at the turn of events.”

After three years Jauhar meets Ravindran who is in a happy mood. On enquiring, Jauhar got the following reply:

Ravindran: “ You remember rupees three lakhs I took as a loan from my friend. I returned to him the same even before the three year period was over. I am a man of words. But more than that by my returning the money even before the agreed period was over, I am at peace with myself and a little bit self congratulatory mood at my action of early repayment of the loan.”

Jauhar: “ My friend, I don’t want to spoil your mood. But the facts and assessment of what happened would give a different picture. Your friend did a good deed. And according to Hindu religion he will get moksha for the same. But coming down to earth, you deposited in your account the cheque you received from your friend. I know you and your friend are close. Yet it would have been a relief to your friend to have received the money back. This is because when there was no collateral or agreement, there is always some risk in giving the money. You may not be there to give the money back. You may fall into dire straits and not able to repay. So your friend had taken a risk.

Now analyse this. Had your friend invested the money in gilt edged financial instruments, he would have got interest of not less than 8%, which means at the end of three years he would have got additional rupees seventy two thousand. In this case he was a loser to that extent. This is not taking in to account the risk he had taken. With no collateral or written document, if for any reason you had defaulted in repaying the money, your friend had no recourse but to keep quiet. Then again, taking into account the inflation level, when your friend got the money back, the purchasing power of the same would have diminished. He is a loser on that count also.

On the other hand, you did not require all the three lakh rupees loan taken from your friend from the time your friend had given the money. It was required in stages to meet the expenses of construction. So when the cheque of your friend was credited to your account, the same earned interest for you for three years to the extent of the amount that was still in the bank.

In brief by lending the money your friend was a loser whereas by receiving the loan you were the a gainer.

At the same time, I realize that you would have taken amiss if your friend at the time of lending the money had asked for bank rate of interest for the money lent. The reason is as below.

Before the banking system took root in the country, say, fifty years back, people saved money in cash either with themselves or with trusted friends or relatives. The money did not earn any interest. Inflation level at that time was very low. The custom or societal mores then was that relatives and friends helped each other in lending / borrowing. Having grown up in that tradition, despite drastic changes in matters related to financial affairs, we still function on such matters on an irrational basis.”

Ravindran: “ That is the most uncomfortable statement you have made.”

Jauhar: “ It is over. Let me make you as cheerful as before by quoting the following pun. Lender: ‘ This is the third time I am asking you to return the money I lent you.’ Borrower: ‘So what. I asked you five times before you lent the money. So you are yet to catch up.” Or the one like: Lender: “You have not returned the loan you took saying it will be returned in a year. Borrower: “ What are you cribbing about. There are others from whom I had taken loans three or four years back and I had not returned the same. Wait for your turn.”