Magna Charta of male specie of human beings -Spoof

( Magna Charta: Great Charter of English personal and political liberty obtained from King John in 1215. Any similar document establishing rights )

This Charter falls in the second category.

Acknowledging the truism that male specie is physically stronger, taller and fitter than female specie

Accepting as a corollary higher mental faculty of male specie in comparison to female specie

Appreciating the incontrovertible truth that human beings would not have survived but for the brawn of the male specie in the evolution process from that of ape.

According due recognition to the fact of male specie being the bread winner of the family

Abandonment of the superiority of male specie as cited would be against God’s Order

Abdication from the dutiful place assigned to male specie in the family would tantamount to disregarding God’s assigned role to male specie

Now, therefore, male specie collectively set forth the following Magna Charta

1. Equality with male specie demanded by female specie, being
contrary to the commandment of God, cannot be an issue to be agitated upon.

2. As bread winner of the family, exceptions of some among the female specie adorning this role, only reaffirm the universally accepted and God intended role of male specie, i.e., male specie would continue to be master of the house, both in letter and spirit.

3. The norm of male specie being the bread winner of the family and female specie being the home manager, existing from time immemorial and working reasonably well, has to be accepted as a commandment of God and the propensity being shown in the recent past by female specie to adorn the role of male specie cannot be viewed with equanimity. It should be presumed that this allocation of work by God was done taking into account the disposition of both species. The tendency to deviate from this needs to be curbed, especially in the interests of children and harmony in the home.

4. Better ability, understanding and intelligence shown by female specie in certain matters, such as, management of the home, children, servants, shopping, gossiping, dressing, etc., which fall in the realm of trivia, cannot be sufficient ground for female specie to demand equality with male specie.

5. Certain God given traits of male specie, such as, forgetting, drinking, smoking, ogling at girls, non-proficiency in cooking, sewing, ironing, inability to teach children, etc., should be unequivocally accepted by the female specie.

6. That all members of male specie without exception like more mothers in law of their wives rather than their own mothers in law is part of the male psyche and hence both de jure and de facto acceptance to the same has to be given my female specie.

7. Since God intended female specie to give birth to children, no scientific research should be carried on to find out feasibility of men giving birth to children.

8. Male specie has no objection to female specie copying the former in dress, manners, drinking, smoking, etc., so long as the same gives an illusion of equality to the latter specie.

9. Unsaid collective thoughts of male specie is listed below to educate female specie on the ‘ Do,s’ and ‘Don’ts’ so that the family life would be more happier, as intended by our Maker.

· Don’t ask us questions to which we don’t know what answers would make you happy.

· We don’t have a hidden agenda in being nice to your friends

· In our reckoning chaperoning you on your shopping trips is indeed a great sacrifice on our part.

· Even unsaid if you think that we think that you have too many clothes and shoes you are right.

· If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer. If we say YES, we are in trouble. If we say NO, you can read from our faces that we are lying.

· Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

· That in whatever dress you look like an angel is a lie you are extracting from us quite often.

· You have to realize that for us office gossip is divine just as you indulge in gossip on your best friends all the time..

· It is no great thing that we get drunk. All your favourite heroes in films do.

· Crying is blackmail.

· Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints won’t work. Strong hints won’t work. Really obvious hints won’t work. Just say it.

· When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything we wear is fine.

· Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

· Come to us with a problem only if you want help in solving it.

· A head ache that lasts for more than 24 hours is a physical problem. See doctor.

---------------